


Dusk reminds me of a lost home

by Neoshark89



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon compliant through Season 2, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post Season 2, both emotionally and physically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 04:20:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 42,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11959599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neoshark89/pseuds/Neoshark89
Summary: A story of Kara slowly coming to terms with the loss she has had to endure over her life, with the help of a friend that may soon blossom into more.





	1. chahv

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a fic so any feedback is welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with the fantastic help of Earthling3 I'm re-uploading the first chapter now with edits.

Kara hovered weightless in the evening sky. With eyes barely open she could imagine the deep red dusk was birthed of Rao and not Sol. Thoughts of Mon-El scratched at the back of her mind but she tried to push them down again, just as she had every other thing she’d ever lost. She remembered the words of Eliza- smile even when it hurts so that no one ever notices you. That way people just see a normal happy girl, and they don’t question what she may have lost.

 

Jadghad, the word that was forming in her mind. Its English counterpart ‘restraint’ seemed to lack sufficient weight to keep down those feelings, seemed to lack the context that truly made the word powerful. Much of English felt that way to Kara. A patchwork infant of a language barely held together. Not like kryptahniuo, her native tongue, which had been made to contain the vast knowledge of her people. But that was nothing new. English, like most things on Earth, felt weightless. But that was probably for the best, because she knew so many things. Too many things. Things that mankind would have to search and fight to discover for themselves.

 

She thought on the Girod, the principles of Kryptonian society. They once seemed to give her so much insight into how to live; but now they were just a memory of a culture long dead. Humans had their own rules for how to govern, and how to live. Some she liked. Loved even. The idea of being whatever you want was freeing, but at the same time left her adrift so many nights, unsure of what was right. It was easy on Krypton; there you were made with a purpose in mind and you could live your whole life only thinking of how to better fulfill that job. But life was messy here on Earth, and tragic she thought, as her mind drifted back to Mon-El.

 

She felt troubled by how little Mon-El’s departure truly hurt her. As it was happening, she felt like she had while watching Krypton burn, all those memories of loss and death filled her. But as the hours and days had passed it had turned into a dull, throbbing pain, like a tooth that needed to be pulled. Kara would never say that this was easy, no, but the ease with which Kara pushed it down was troubling. Maybe she had just lost too much, a great burning pyre in her soul, with every new loss another bit of kindling, and what was one more on a stack of billions.

 

Kara floated and watched as the deep red started to fade and the stars were uncovered, scattered across a sky in patterns still foreign to her. Wrong in a way that was hard to pin down. On Krypton she always had an interest in the night sky, but she had never taken to memorizing the patterns in the stars.. This sky was so similar, and yet even though she tried so hard, it never gave her that feeling of home.

 

Kara wondered if Kal-El had that issue. Does he remember somewhere unconsciously the night sky he was born under? Or does he look up to see the warm blanket of stars that brought him here, from a world he has no memory of? Kara had always envied Kal, he would never know how much they lost. That hadn’t stopped him from speaking about Krypton with an authority he didn't possess, something that Kara had always found a bit grating. He would speak of her people and their ideals as if he shared them, as if he had been raised with them, and propagate ideas that were more stereotype than truth.

 

And as Kara mulled him over in her mind she remembered a trick Kal tried to teach her to find those in need. She closed her eyes, while letting her hearing reach out as far as it would go. At first she heard only a deafening cacophony clamoring into her ears as she flinched away from the noise, but slowly the sounds started to separate. Horns angrily blaring at one another, work sites where people were rebuilding and repairing the city after the Daxamite attack, and slowly, behind the loudness, she began to pick out individual soft voices. People going about their daily lives.

 

Kal had told her not to listen for sentences, but instead for keywords -help, police, Supergirl- find those and grab onto them, see where they went. Were they screams of fear? Maybe hushed whispers under someone’s breath, or just casual conversation.

 

Suddenly Kara heard her name, wept out in pained breaths. But it wasn’t Supergirl they were calling for but ‘Kara’. Slowly she tugged on that thread of sound, slowly it came into greater focus. As her name came into greater clarity in her ear, the owner of the voice did as well; Lena.

 

Grasping onto her voice, fear boiled in her gut. Fear of Lena being in pain, of her being hurt. But also fear of seeing her again. How could so few days apart feel like such a barrier? Not since Mon-El’s departure had they spoken, hell Kara wasn’t even supposed to know that Lena knew about her and Mon-El. That hadn’t stopped Kara from going radio silent; she hadn’t called or texted Lena once since he left. She hadn’t even checked to see if Lena was alright after having to work with her mother again, which only added to bile bubbling up in her stomach. Kara had thought many terrible things about herself in the years since she lost Krypton, but she had never seen herself as a bad friend.

 

Those fears could wait, as Lena’s voice had gone from loud sobs to barely above a whisper, and that didn’t bode well. Kara tried to turn her head to see if she could get a better idea of where Lena’s voice had come from. It wasn’t her office; Kara knew that location too well. As she turned she found it, it was coming from large tower gleaming with penthouses for only the wealthiest of National City's residents. While Kara flew towards it, she realized that this was Lena’s home. She had only been there one time, and its bare, almost spartan ascetic had worried Kara. Something she had pointed out to Lena, much to her chagrin.

 

As Kara got closer her x-ray vision showed no one else in Lena’s apartment, and she realized Lena must have been crying to herself. Through a window, she saw how Lena lay so vulnerable on her couch, with her head tucked into the armrest. The small table in front of her was cluttered with books and a pair of glasses Kara didn’t know Lena needed. A box of tissues was by her hand, and crumpled tissues were scattered about. She couldn’t help but smile a little when she noticed that Lena had taken her advice and bought a few things to make the apartment feel like a home. Even if by her standards it was still far to barren. As Kara floated outside Lena’s home she realized she didn’t have to enter, didn’t have to see her any more than she already had. If she left, Lena would never know she had been there.

 

Now that she was so close her heart raced. Lena was right there in front of her, right there and crying, in pain, hurt. It may not have been due to another attempt on her life, but Kara of all people knew that emotional pain was often worse than physical pain. At least you could see a broken arm. It was so much harder to see a broken heart.

 

So Kara slowly approached the glass door on her balcony, and with a soft thud landed upon it. Her hand stretched out, about to knock on the window, but she hesitated, unsure. Lena wanted to see her right? Did Lena still even like her? These thoughts and many more raced within Kara’s mind, hopes of witnessing Lena smile at seeing her, and fears of an angry outburst. With a small intake of air to fill her chest and calm her nerves, she rapped on the window, only to see Lena shoot up in concern. She looked around to see where the noise came from, her eyes slowly landing on Kara, on Supergirl.

 

Lena tried to wipe her eyes in the least noticeable way possible as she slowly made her way over to the window. She straightened out her outfit, still dressed in her business best, and ran her fingers through her hair. Kara noticed the moment's hesitation as Lena placed her hand on the handle. It seemed as if she was suring herself up, not unlike Kara had, only a few scant seconds before. Kara wondered if she was feeling as much turmoil about this as herself.

 

But Lena did open the door, gently sliding it open to the whisper of a hello on her lips, if only she could muster up the will to say it.

 

With so much standing between them, “Hi” was all Kara could finally manage. They both stood there, lost in their own thoughts, unsure whether to run away, or to reach out for the embrace they each yearned for.

 

A calm smile tickled at Lena’s lips as she returned the greeting, “Hello to you as well. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? Nothing nefarious is afoot I trust.” A soft laugh, a nervous laugh played in a chest her arms soon wrapped around, seeking any protection she could find from the vast void that had formed between them over the previous few days. Kara reflexively smiled in response, unable to control herself when she saw Lena’s face.

 

“I hope I’m not overstepping any boundaries here,” Kara tried to steel herself, an activity far easier against bullets than against Lena’s smile. “But I heard you crying and hoped -- Well, I hoped that I might be able to help.”

 

Lena looked down at Supergirls boots, suddenly finding them to be the most interesting thing in the room, and Kara hoped with all her heart that she hadn’t just made a grand mistake. That she hadn’t pushed this friendship too fast or too far too soon. As Supergirl she was still barely more than an acquaintance, and they had only worked together a few times. ‘What was I thinking,’ Kara chided herself. She found herself wondering. If she were to leave now, would Lena hate her more or less?

 

“I-,” Lena began, stopping and looking back into Supergirl's eyes, scrambling for any handhold. Kara waited, letting her find her way, not wanting to influence Lena’s desires with her own hopes. “I wouldn’t want to take you away from the city. I mean haven’t we Luthors taken up more than enough of your and Superman’s time?” Lena managed to choke out, that bit of wit never leaving, even then. Before Kara could interject a reassurance of Lena’s worth, she continued. “Have you heard from Kara?”

 

Kara froze at this question. She had always felt so deceitful playing at two different people for Lena. The recent gap in their relationship hadn’t prepared her to field this rather obvious question.

“Yes,” was all Kara could put together. She knew half a dozen languages and 3 letters was as far as she could get in front of Lena’s sullen eyes. Kara kicked herself.

 

“Does she…” Lena paused and Kara could tell she was about to ask a question she didn’t want the answer to. “Does she hate me?” Lena asked this with fresh tears streaming down her face. No longer bothering to keep up the act of stoic detachment. She didn’t look away though. Not from Supergirl, and not from the answer.

 

This made Kara’s face fall, and twist in ways she never thought possible. First trying to put together why Lena could even start to think such a thing, poring through every interaction they had had in the time leading up to the Daxamite invasion. Then realizing to her utter horror, ‘what else was she supposed to think of me, I dropped out of her life. I went from her closest friend to someone who didn’t even bother to check on her.’

 

“Never,” Kara moved close into the Lena’s space, putting both of her hands onto Lena’s shoulders. Once again Kara was left with too many ideas slipping out between her fingers. How in Rao’s name could she convey to Lena that she meant the world to Kara. Yet she could not find a single useful word in this accursed language that even came close to expressing her feelings. She had seen stars that didn’t burn half as brightly as the woman in front of her. Rich and vast forests that held not even half as many wonderful little secrets. Poets and scholars pulled from across the galaxy whose works seemed childlike when compared to a few sentences from Lena’s ruby lips.

 

“She could never hate you.” Supergirl said this not as an opinion but as truth. As if delivered from Rao and painted across the morning sky. The words felt so small compared to the idea that raged within her. “Lena, you’re the most important person in her life.”

 

With that Lena seemed to fidget between relief and disbelief. She pushed away from Supergirl’s touch and paced in the area connecting the kitchen and living room. “Why hasn’t she called me then? Why hasn’t she texted? I learned she has an alien for a boyfriend only a few hours before I forced him off this world. I banished him from earth and you’re telling me that she is fine with that?” Lena’s tone had started small, close to her chest, but grew unmanageable quickly. Humans always found anger easier than uncertainty, Kara had learned.

 

“Lena,” Kara began, trying once again to lay a hand on her shoulder, this time to be quickly swatted away as Lena takes a step back. “Lena, yes she is hurting from losing him, but she doesn’t blame you. She blames Rhea, she blames ...” ‘herself’ Kara thinks. ‘I’m the one that pressed the button. I’m the one that sent him off to parts unknown, never to be seen again.’ “She blames me,” Kara finally squeaks out. All the might and bluster Supergirl is imagined to carry, countered in three short words.

 

Lena seemed taken aback by the idea, as she began to realize why Supergirl might think that. She began to slowly walk back to her couch, lifting a hand as if telling Supergirl she was free to take a seat as well. As Kara made her way to the other side of the couch, Lena continued.

 

“I’m sorry, I never wanted to get between you and Kara,” and a small laugh echoes out of her as she shakes her head from side to side. “It’s funny, really, from the second I met Mike, Mon-El I guess, I wanted nothing more than to pull them apart. I must have thought of a dozen ways to get between them, but I never figured I really would. He seemed to somehow make her happy, and that was good enough for me. And, well, if he did turn out to be a bit of an ass, I could step in at that point.”

 

This took Kara by surprise, why would Lena want to break the two of them up? Had Mon-El really made that bad of a first impression? He had been relatively well behaved when Lena had first met him, at least by Mon-El standards, Kara thought. “Why, why did you want to separate them?” Kara stammered out, knowing that she is acting too confused for someone not supposed to be a part of the relationship. “Had he done anything to you to suggest he was bad, or maybe an alien?.” Her arms had started to float around in a way that she knew was a Kara mannerism, but she always found it easier to speak with her hands.

 

“No no no, and honestly I’m not terribly surprised she had an alien for a boyfriend. She is quite the bleeding heart for their plight. The reason why I wanted to divorce their interest from one another is, well,” Lena paused again as she chewed on her lip, and eyed Supergirl. Was she weighing how much she could trust her? Kara had hoped that Lena had every confidence in her Supergirl persona. Lena lowered her head down into her hands while rubbing the last few streaks of tears from her cheeks. She looked back up at Supergirl with a warm smile on her face. “It’s because I’m in love with Kara Danvers. But please don’t tell her. I don’t want to make our friendship awkward. Assuming I ever get the chance to apologize to her of course.”

 

Kara’s heart started to pound in her chest as she felt her superspeed kick into effect, slowing time around her to a crawl. She always tried to be careful not to use it during ‘Kara’ conversations, as it seemed to give them a weird cadence. Sometimes she resumed normal time too quickly and talked over the other person, but if she relaxed too slowly she just seemed to stare at them.

 

At that point, though, Kara needed the enhanced time to even start to process what had been dropped unknowingly into her lap. Kara had always known that her and Lena’s actions skirted the line between platonic and romantic, but she had always been afraid of crossing it. Lena had so reminded her of... no she wouldn’t think of them. It was unfair to both Lena and Kara to compare her to someone lost so long ago. Someone lost not in the death of a world, but to the birth of a cousin. A name not spoken by her since before her world burned in the light of Rao.

And as the seconds turned to minutes, frozen in a world all her own, she noticed that Lena was starting to show a change on her face. She had left time like this longer than she had planned, and Lena was starting to, very slowly, notice. Calming breaths eased the world back into focus. The pale blues of a frozen world slowly returned to normal.

 

“-re you ok Supergirl?” Clearly having missed the first part of the sentence, Supergirl gave a curt nod to try to show some semblance of attention. Supergirl, Kara thought, could get away with some odd behavior - she was an alien after all.

 

But _Lena_ loved her, Lena _loved_ her, Lena loved _her_. Again and again these words played out in her mind. No, that was impossible, there was no way that was true. This had to be some sort of trick, some sort of cruel trick played by the gods to break what little resolve she had managed to claw back since yet another person in her life had left her. But as she looked and saw Lena staring at her with concern and embarrassment playing at her eyes and cheeks, Kara knew she had to do something, had to say something. How she handled this could quite possibly determine the fate of their relationship, romantic or otherwise.

 

And that really was topic at hand. Not so much did she love Lena, but could she love Lena? Kara cared so much about Lena, far more Kara knew than most people cared about platonic friends. Unlike the cultures of Earth, Kryptonians never had any issues with same-sex marriages, as most all marriages were prearranged anyway. They were bindings of houses where what was most important was prestige given, not love. And with the Gavrrigehd, the sex of the two partners never mattered.

 

And as Kara looked into Lena’s eyes, that name again played at the edges of her mind. An anchor to a world that no longer hung in the sky. To a fate ripped away like the ground beneath her home.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena started, clearly worried by this long stretch of silence. “I shouldn’t have told you, it’s unfair for me to ask you to keep something of this scale from Kara. And besides I’m pretty sure she is tragically straight.” Lena decided to lay back into the couch legs tucked beneath her and arms crossed. She was nervous, Kara noted, waiting for some sign from Supergirl that she wasn’t going to let loose this great secret of Lena’s right into Kara’s ear. “I mean a full office of flowers and an invitation to what would have been a beautiful gala, and yet she somehow ends up with that fratboy of an alien. Well, he did at least attempt to help me to escape so I suppose I shouldn’t speak too ill of him,”

 

OK, Kara thought ,as she struggled in vain to keep the world from passing by so quickly in front of her. Time did not seem to be her ally tonight. She couldn’t lie to Lena anymore. She knew that if she did, she and Lena would never become more than friends. And the idea sounded better with every second her mind had to process it. It was more than unfair to be counsel to Lena’s inner thoughts on Kara, only to turn around and use them against her. Or to act as wingwoman for herself. Assuming they did get together, Lena would then learn of her lie that way, so it had to be now.

 

“Lena,” Supergirl finally talking seemed to have taken Lena by surprise, as she jumped slightly at her name. And looked up curiously, seeing Supergirl’s head bobbing around as she scanned the room for any active electronics. “I don’t see any, but are there any recording devices listening to what we say? Or taking any video?” Kara knew her voice sounded far stronger in her head than on her lips, and she was not helped much by Lena’s look of worry.

 

“No,” Lena streched the word out. It sounded odd against the normal rhythm of her speech. Kara also noted the sudden rise in her heartbeat, even more so than after her confession. “Should I be worried?” A nervous smile played at Lena’s lips as she said this, but it was plain to see she was not amused.

 

“I hope you won’t be, but honestly I’m not sure,” Kara whisked forward on the couch far closer than she had been when she first sat down. Lena was clearly startled by this but made no attempt to move away. Kara then reached across the small space between them to lace one hand with Lena’s, causing the already worried expression on Lena’s face to grow, a dash of confusion colored her complexion.

 

Lena went to open her mouth before closing it into a hard line followed by a subtle nod of her head. Kara hoped that Lena had braced herself, and hoped even more that this wasn’t the end of a friendship she cared so much about, whose future had just seemed to grow so much brighter. “You deserve to know who I am, who I really am.”

 

Lena’s grip grew limp in her hand and her eyes widen. The ghost of a word danced at Lena’s lips but Kara knew that if she didn’t say it now she never would, and the hope of anything more with Lena would wither on the vine. As Kara was about to speak again, she noticed what she assumed to be Lena’s reading glasses on the small table in front of them.

 

“My name,” Kara locked their eyes as she picked up the glasses from of the table and placed them on her face, and with her free hand grabbed a handful of her own hair into a mock ponytail. All the while Lena’s eyes grew more erratic, and pained, and truly frightened. “Is Kara Zor-El, though here on Earth I go by Kara Danvers.”

 

Lena shot off of the couch and walked with quickened steps over to small table near the connected kitchen. She looked to be pouring herself something to drink. Something strong, if the smell was anything to go by.

 

“Lena, please look at me. Please don’t shut me out.” Kara slowly sat the glasses back on the table and clasped her hands together. She didn’t trust them now, not with this much adrenaline pumping through her veins. Not with Lena downing two fingers of some dark brown poison, just to try to let her process what Kara had told her. Not with that red in Lena’s eyes, too angered from a night of crying to produce any more tears, and her head almost instinctively rocking back and forth, saying what her mouth seems unable to. ‘No’

 

And they stared at one another, seconds fell away with both of them too afraid to speak, afraid of the damage they might cause with the next utterance. Finally, Lena set her glass down on the table with a delicacy that said more than than if she had thrown it across the room.

 

“Why?” Was all she said.

 

“Why what? I’ll tell you anything, no more lies, no more secrets.” Kara said as softly as she could, as if inching closer to a wounded animal

 

“Why tell me now?” Lena was calm, scarily so. Kara can only imagine the years and years of brutal Luthor training she must have gone through to be able to hold her face so. A mask of marble skin frozen in place, a sign to all that she will neither break or budge.

 

Kara rolled her thumbs around one another and briefly found it funny that both humans and kryptonians did it. Something small, she mused, something two distant worlds shared. “I care about you.” A small statement and true. But while Kara thought she was off to a decent start it was clear that Lena hadn’t been moved much by it. “And if, and if we were to at some point move past friendship, to something more, having lied to you about who I was while hearing these most private thoughts would be wrong. It would taint any relationship we might be able to build in the future.”

 

Kara was hopeful and risked a smile, Eliza had always trained her that smiling was an easy way to gain trust back, and that was what Kara wanted most in the world right now. Lena’s trust.

 

Lena only nodded, Kara took that as a good sign, a sign that maybe she did believe that Kara never wanted to hurt her. “Did you not trust me before? Did my Luthor name really make you think that I would shout your true identity from the mountain tops, or start slipping little bits of kryptonite into your coffee? Kara if I hadn’t, god, if I hadn’t told you I loved you would you have ever told me?” With that cracks started to form in the Luthor mask. Her hands gripped tight and her lip trembled as a deep breath caught in her lungs, though she never took it. In fairness only Kara could ever tell these things, only she had eyes and ears strong enough to see Lena slip.

 

“Honestly? I’m not sure if I would or not. And it was never about trust. Rao, you’ll find this excuse petty.” Kara wipes her hands across her face and stares down at them. Stares at them like they will solve this great mystery of how, Rao, how to make Lena smile back at her again.

 

“Back on Krypton I didn’t have these powers.” The second Kara states her home's name Lena takes notice. She starts to walk back over toward the couch, sitting with as much space between them as possible with Kara still squarely in the middle. “Other than being a bit longer-lived than humans, we weren't really any different. When I first told Winn about being Kryptonian, I thought that I could be more myself around him, but the opposite turned out to be true. Everything we talked about became about Supergirl. I didn’t want that, not with you,” Trailing off into naught but a whisper Kara locked eyes with Lena to try to judge her, to see if her words were getting through.

 

“I’m not like Kal - Superman - he was raised here from infancy. He doesn’t remember what it was like to live on Krypton. To him, flying around and punching giant robots is connecting to his Kryptonian roots. But not to me,” As tears hit her legs Kara realizes she was crying. Rao, she was sick of crying. “I’m not saying that flying isn’t great, but it wasn’t what being on Krypton was like. It’s just another reminder that I’m not of this world, and that I will never look up and see my sky again. Never see my home.”

 

With this Lena leans in and hugs Kara, who was wondering how she was the one being comforted right now. How did Lena become the one trying to make Kara feel better when Kara has been the one lying to her for months? “You were the closest thing I had to someone I could be my real self to.  Even Alex, who I love so much.  She looks at me and sees a Kryptonian, someone lost, adrift in a world I wasn’t born to. But you didn’t, you saw me as someone strong but not invulnerable, or sad but not haunted. I may never again be Kara Zor-El, but you gave me just a little bit of it back.”

 

Finally Lena gently takes a finger under Kara’s chin and raises her head up so they can look one another in the eyes, both pairs red and rough from days of hard use. “I’m happy that you thought so highly of me. I only have one last question, for now at least.” Lena was quiet as she talked, and as her finger rubbed the side of Kara’s face it felt so warm that it should be bottled and sold as a cure for hypothermia. “Why did you choose him over me?  I thought I was being pretty upfront and you seem to have cared deeply for me as well.  Was it because he was an alien, or because he was a man?  Or I guess both is also an option,” Lena said this with bated breath, clearly hoping it wasn’t her gender that had held Kara up.

 

Rocking her head slightly so as not to hurt Lena, Kara began, “what did you learn of Daxam while on their ship?”

 

Lena hummed for a second as she turned the question over. “Well they are somehow a space-faring race that are still is ruled by a monarchy, which seems a bit weird.”

 

Kara quickly cut in there, “You would be surprised how common it is really. I’m not sure of the exact number, as Krypton was pretty isolationist, but I would say at least one in five worlds still has a king or queen.”

 

“Good to know,” Lena’s smile tickled the top of Kara’s head, as she was still snug in Lena’s embrace, both having silently decided it was alright. “I also know that they are stronger than humans but less so than Supergirl or, well, you I guess. Also a bit about their tech but not a terrible amount of their culture if that is what you’re after.”

 

“Daxam was Krypton’s sister planet.” Kara hated how her voice sounded so distant, so lost in that sea of darkness that was her journey to a new world. These memories always did that to her, brought her right back to being a scared little girl watching from above as her world tore itself apart below her. The last thing she ever witnessed of her birthplace had been great torrents of magma from Krypton’s core bursting through its crust seconds before she was too far away to see anything at all.

 

“Not only that, but it was Krypton's first and only attempt at settling a colony world. Tragically, not long after it was settled, a long and painful war began between our two worlds. They wanted freedom - well, freedom for some, anyhow. We wanted order.” Her voice wavered as she thought of the history of her people. So many wars and struggles, so much loss. For what though? They were all gone now, and outside of a handful of survivors they might as well have never existed, for all the universe will remember of Krypton.

 

“So,” Lena had been listening with rapt attention to every word Kara spoke. But she came to Kara’s conclusion before she even had a chance to say it. “Daxamites are Kryptonians? Or at least used to be?”

 

“Correct. While there were not many cases of it happening, a few Daxamites did defect to Krypton, and with the help of the Gavrrigehd they proved able to have children with Kryptonians.” Kara nodded as if to tell Lena that she was right in her hypothesis.

 

“You lost me there for a second the Gevr-what now?” Kara chuckled to hear this butchered bit of kryptahniuo, though hearing it on Lena’s tongue already exited her. Lena didn’t seem to take the chortling quite as gracefully as Kara had meant it. “Was that Kryptonian?” She said in a bit of a played up huff, already seeming to get back into their playful banter, even with Kara still in her super suit.

 

“No, it’s Kryptahniuo, and it refers to the machine we used to create children. Rao, I wish Kal spoke his own language properly.” Kara knew she was ranting a bit, but this had been one of her greatest peeves since she landed on Earth. She was able to learn English in less than a month, yet somehow years later Kal could barely speak Kryptahniuo.

 

“So can I assume that Kal is Superman? And how is it that you are younger than he is now, but were older than him on Krypton…? No, never mind, sorry, get back to Mon-El and how he was somehow a better idea for a partner than myself. Soothe my bruised ego please.” Kara could again feel Lena smiling against the top of her head, but her words still held an edge that saddened her.

 

“Well, there isn’t that much left to say really. I think the Kryptonian side of my brain took over, and I was thinking about how I had to best serve my house, the House of El, and Mon-El was the best way to do that. Maybe we could have kids, maybe there might be one more generation of the House of El. The nostalgia of being able to speak in Kryptahniuo with one another was also nice, even if his was a bit rough, being from Daxam and all. He also knew what it was like to see Rao raise above the mountaintops on a warm day. Mostly, he just knew what it was like to lose everything, and for all his faults, we had that to share with one another.” And there Kara found herself again. Everything in her life somehow lead to her staring back into that abyss that was Krypton.

 

Lena seemed to recognize this as she gently rubbed her hand up and down Kara’s back, holding in the hope and happiness that was trying so desperately to pour out. “Are you sure you guys weren’t related, or is El a common last name?” Lena looked down to Kara with a crooked eyebrow and a smirk in her cheek.

 

“I suppose probably at some point, but the House of El has been a powerful house for many generations, and Daxam broke off from Krypton over a millennium ago. I doubt I would have had to worry about that.” She bumped her shoulder into Lena with a playful giggle as she slowly pulled herself back up, though staying mostly in Lena’s warm arms. She turned to face Lena and took on a more serious look, trying to match her face to the terrible but necessary idea she was about to tell Lena.

 

“As much as I do like you Lena, and as much as I like the idea of . . . being more with you, I’ll still need some more time before I can commit to that. I’m not sure if I ever truly loved him, but I am sure that I cared for him deeply. And to start a relationship right now would be unfair to both of us. I don’t want you to be the rebound from a relationship that for better or worse had a lot riding on it.” Kara hates this, hates putting Lena aside for some nebulous amount of time instead of curling up next to her and sleeping in her cozy embrace. The scent of Lena’s sweet perfume reminded her that someone truly cared for her, but if life has taught her one thing it’s that she almost never gets what she wants.

 

To Kara’s shock, Lena nods, seeming to understand that Kara will need the one thing she has had far too much of in her short life, time. “I understand, I’ve experienced my fair share of tragedy and I know that starting anything in that frame of mind can be unproductive. Honestly just the idea that I’ve been given a maybe is more than I ever dared hope. Also now that I think about it I can’t tell if you’re a great liar or if I’m just incredibly daft as I’m not sure how I didn’t pick up on you being Supergirl to begin with.” Both of Lena’s hands that had been on Kara slowly made their way back into Lena’s lap as if trying, Kara assumed, not to push anything too far.

 

“I mean ‘flew on a bus,’ that should have been a clear giveaway.” Lena smiled back as her eyes looked off into the distance probably counting all the little ways that Kara knew she had messed up trying to keep her identity a secret from Lena. Suddenly snapping her eyes back to Kara she asked with a giant smile, “You must be starving, it’s nearly dinner and I finally know why you eat as much as an entire football team. I’ll order us something.”

 

Kara could only smile back and agree as the wonderful woman in front of her orders them some, or maybe a lot of food. For the first time in a long time, hope filled her chest. No, hope wasn’t quite the right word. Shahrrehth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as a preamble to things to come I will be changing some of the lore of Krypton, both in an attempt to make some of it make a bit more sense to myself as well as because it works better for the story. So anyone that is a purest to the lore be forewarned, though honestly I don't think any of my changes will be that drastic like I said they are mostly mechanical changes to things that I believe need to be updated since so many of these ideas where pitched quite a while ago.


	2. tav

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I didn't say this at the start of the first chapter but it takes place about an hour after season two ended. Basically Kara left Cat's office and floated around for a bit then the fic starts. And for clarifications sake the chapter names are just the chapter number written in Kryptahniuo(Kryptonian).
> 
> I'm working with someone, Earthling3, to help me with editing these chapters. They have not had the time yet to be able to edit this chapter as they started to assist me after this chapter was posted. Hopefully in the near future it will also be edited and far more readable.

Again Kara looked up at the foreign night sky that shone down upon her, as she held herself aloft. She lazily made rounds on this quiet evening. After Kara and Lena had both cried as much as either could the conversation had began to waver between tentative and fascinating. Lena had been curious of just how much food National City’s hero really could put away. Which instantly proved a fruitless endeavor, as even the bounty Lena provided was easily put away by the black hole in Kara’s stomach. A delicate smile crept its way back across Kara’s face. A smile she had been wearing for much of the night. Lena and herself found themselves stabilized, their greatest secrets out for each other to see. Kara let the calm and cooling night breeze resend the red glow she felt tinge her cheeks.

 

Lena had inquired about Krypton, hoping for a peek behind the curtain hiding away Kara’s lost home. With barely a breath taken between Lena’s questions she asked of Kara’s culture, and of Krypton’s flora, and fauna. Lena was increasing enraptured by every answer she received. Kara at first found it odd to talk with Lena about Krypton. With Alex and Eliza it had always been so clinical, mostly concerned with biological and cultural needs. They never held the wanderlust of Lena’s pale jade eyes. On the other hand Kal responded as if she were describing it to a child, awe filled his every question. Unfortunately he became lost easily. He wildly grasped for purchase, unable to seize upon the combined essence of their home. But not Lena, no she soaked up every detail and asked for more. She asked questions that Kara found herself hesitant to answer lest she give L-Corp’s scientists secrets from across the stars.

 

All at once Kara stopped, realization of a rather painful conversation she needed of have with her sister dawned on her. The DEO would need Lena to sign their ‘don’t talk or we’ll black bag you’ NDAs, not that Kara assumed Lena would tell anyone. Kara had always trusted Lena, maybe more than Kara herself had realized now that she scrutinized some of her more defiant statements on Lena’s behalf. “Maggie is going to have a field day with this,” Kara whispered to herself.

 

Kara paused for a moment to find where she had floated off to, adrift in her sea of blissful memories. Before tonight she had never put much stock in Lena and herself ever being anything more than the close friends she already so treasured. Now Kara could hardly wrangle another idea past the great wall in her mind that bloomed with the vast array of possibilities now present.

 

After a quick glance Kara saw that, unfortunately, not only was Alex still awake, but she was with Maggie. Kara had known the hope of Alex being asleep was little more than a pipe dream. The clock’s arm barely scratched eleven, and only if you rounded up. And the night Alex got more than six hours of sleep was the night she retired. Try as Kara might she couldn’t find a valid reason to push this conversation off. Not a single robbery or kitten stuck in tree anywhere to be heard. ‘A blessing from Rao’ she fumed, glibly sardonic.

 

As Kara slowly touched down outside her sister’s apartment she took in a great breath to steady herself before she pushed into Alex’s living room. Confusion was the first thing Alex and Maggie showed on their faces. Alex quickly circled her couch to approach Kara. “Is everything alright?” Apparently Kara’s nerves were enough to show on her face. Alex's eyes darted around Kara’s body as she searched for what was wrong.

 

“I,” Kara clenched her fist and wished for a moment that she didn’t have super hearing as that was about to be rather painful. “Okay, so, I may have told Lena that I’m Supergirl,”

 

Kara waited for the yelling to start, braced herself for it. Only instead she heard Maggie start to snicker while sitting on the couch. Finally Kara attempted the brave thing, and chanced a look into her sister’s eyes. They looked more disheartened, or defeated maybe, than angry. Though Kara would still put money on anger being somewhere buried behind those pursed lips and sharpened eyes.

 

“Kara,” Alex shaked as the words creep out of her mouth, “please tell me that you were about to die and the only way to save yourself was to tell Lena. Know what, I’ll even take the opposite. She was dying and you had to fly her to a hospital before changing out of your normal clothes. She’s earned that I think, but someone had better been clearly about to die if Lena didn’t learn the truth. That what happened, correct?” Those that assumed that Kara was the only Danvers with heat vision had clearly never meet Alex at peak pissed.

 

Crap, it was really the only thing that crossed Kara’s mind. Cursing was one of those few cases where Kara preferred English over Kryptahniuo, as the latter had no single word profanities. Kryptahniuo only had phrases to express those ideas. Now they were far more cutting than any simple ‘fuck you’ but they also required a level of thought above what Kara was capable of at the moment.

 

Kara held out her hands in front of herself. She was trying, and failing, to build a small barrier between the two of them in the hope that it might stymie some fraction of Alex's wrath. “Neither her nor myself where in any immediate danger. I told her because I trust her, and she deserves to know at this point,” she lowered her voice to a range she was pretty sure humans couldn’t hear to finished with, “and maybe she told me she loves me.”.

 

“She said what!” Alex’s scream choked in the air. Her eyes wild and any facade of calm quickly washed away under her raging storm. She looked back to Maggie and apparently not liking what she saw lowered her eyes back toward Kara.

 

Kara went to place a hand Alex's shoulder to calm her down but Alex was having none of it. Kara paused before she came to the conclusion that this was more of a ‘move through’ rather than a ‘move around’ situation. “Look, she didn’t tell me, Kara. She told Supergirl, about her feeling for Kara. She was just so sad, and lost, and hurt by everything that had happened recently between us, most of which was my fault. Also if I ever hope to have that kind of relationship with her I can’t act as wingwoman for Kara as Supergirl, that is just dishonest, also kinda gross.”

 

During her small rant Kara noted the slow change that took place on her sister’s face, harsh lines and jagged brows ebbed away to a softer smile. Kara took this brief reprieve to make her way out from the balcony doorframe, where she had been cornered, into the living room proper. She felt it to be the emotional high ground.

 

“Wait, what do you mean by ‘if’, Kara you’re not attracted to women.” Alex said it with a air of certainty, like she knew what Kara felt. Maggie’s growing frown gave her girlfriend a moment of hesitation. “I mean,” Alex hastily started to amend, “you have never shown any interest in women, to my knowledge, before now. Has that changed?” Alex and Maggie both noticed Kara’s very sudden apprehension, coupled with flighty glances back to the doorframe she had just so foolishly given up.

 

But instead of running like Kara had been doing for far too long, she let the air deflate out of her lungs and crumpled down on the couch not far out of Maggie’s reach. Kara had held onto this frayed and pulsing ball of raw nerves for so many years across the skies of worlds unknown. This would be where it would finally come undone. To be laid bare in front of family seemed oddly ironic, as that was the very thing that had taken her away from Kara in the first place.

 

Fresh streams of tears laced the bottom of Kara’s lashes and threatening to stain her face, but Kara closed her eyes. Why had she been so on Kara’s mind today. Maybe it was some kind of sign, or omen. The last bit of Krypton she had so selfishly hoarded away for herself, ‘Vao-Rri’. Whatever face Kara had found herself making as the name crossed her mind was enough to bring both Alex and Maggie to embrace her. They helped to thaw the cold, biting memories that threatened to consume her.

 

“Hey, Kara, it’s okay if you like girls.” Alex cooed, interwoven with a dozen years of experience in bringing Kara out of whatever emotional pit she had found herself at the bottom of. “I mean look at me, nothing bad will happen and I won’t think of you any differently. I guess I was just a bit surprised, you’ve never shown much interest in the past is all.” For a second time today Kara found herself tucked into someone's arms. Being cared for by a person that had every right to be angry at her. Kara hoped that maybe, just maybe, this was her consolation prize for having lost so very much. Maybe the universe had given her this support system. A way to keep her upright and moving forward, no matter how many times she was knocked down.

 

But the name kept pounding at the edges of Kara’s heart. It tickled on the tip of her lips and yet somehow she held onto it. These last few precious seconds were Vao-Rri’s name belongs only to Kara. In a lost and secluded corner of Kara’s mind she wasn’t gone, taken by cruel fates. Kara had never said her name aloud, not once since she lost her world anyway. That had somehow helped to make her death more ephemeral, and less tethered to the painful reality of having found herself yet another person short on her list of people she loved.

 

She eventually forced the name out, into Alex's shirt with the taste of cotton on her tongue. “Vao-Rri” It was all she could get out before another spasm of pain washed over her, as heavy tears soaked into her sister’s shirt. It was all she could get out as she started to mourn again. Another person Kara would never be able to see. Another person ripped out of her arms.

 

Alex removed the clasps holding Kara’s cape to her suit and let it pool on the couch. Alex brought her hand up to rub gentle, soothing circles into Kara’s back. “What is that?” A soft open question, given with no need for a timely answer.

 

All Kara wanted in the world was to go back to Lena, to be held by her again. Kara loved Alex, more than just about anything or anyone in the universe, but these memories of Krypton felt more concrete with her. With Lena it was still just a spun yarn of a faraway place, she hadn’t been there for the night terrors, the cold sweats, the screams of a little girl who cried out in a language no other person would truly understand. Lena hadn’t been there for the anxiety attacks, were Kara broke down and couldn’t even move while the other children laughed and ridiculed. Lena hasn’t had the time to let Kara’s sweet stories of home fester into a morose list of things she would never have again.

 

Alex had, yet she still stayed by Kara. It was one of the many things she loved about her sister, but it also made these conversations far more grounded. “Vao,” Kara’s voice started horse but quickly smoothed back out. She hated that here on earth she wasn’t even allowed the small hassles of pain, her body to quick to repair itself under its golden star. “She was the person that had been selected to be my mate.” Kara let it hang in the air, as Alex turned to Maggie their expressions unreadable with Kara’s eyes still buried deep the crest of Alex's shoulder.

 

“Wait, how old were you when you left Krypton? I thought partners were normally chosen near adulthood.” Maggie’s voice was unsure, but she seemed to know more than Kara had given her credit for. All that time spent in the alien bar wasn’t just for show.

 

Kara turned slightly so that she could take in both Alex and Maggie as they leaned forward. Using the sleeve of Alex's shirt Kara wiped her eyes, safe in the knowledge that Alex wouldn’t mind. “That was normally true, but we were a special case. The House of Rri was small but had proven extremely capable during my father’s generation. Since my father wasn’t next in line for the House of El our two families became an obvious pair. They gave us a strong lineage while we gave them the prestige they would need to rise to ever greater heights. With a compact set our parents got together and had us bred as a pair.”

 

Kara noticed the way Alex's eyes played with this new information, something that Alex normally thrives on.“Wait, if she was so important why have you never mentioned her before now?” Alex had certainly aimed for caring with that question, but the three of them took notice that it came out a bit more acrid than intended.

 

This was the part Kara had always hated the most, it wouldn’t have mattered whether she lost Krypton. She would never have been allowed to be with Vao. “She was the last bit of home I had left. And while I may have still lost her, she was one few things not taken by Krypton’s destruction, but -” Kara cut herself off, she had many private thoughts on her cousin that strayed from what was the norm but none had ever breached her lips. But as the stares mounted that fortification crumbled.

 

“I lost her because Kal was born,” Kara knew her words held venom yet she found she didn’t much care. She could have this one night of tearing him down, of letting out all the pent up frustration that she seemed to never be allowed to hold against him. The look Kara noted on Maggie’s face betrayed her skepticism, even to her friends Kal was still the chosen savior. Alex at least had the courage, or practice, to keep her smile loving.

 

“Wait Kal is Superman right? Did he steal your girl or something?” Maggie made a stab at humor but the room didn’t seem to take it. Kara only wiped her eyes against Alex's now quite stained shirt. Out of the corner of her eye she would have sworn Alex held a disappointed frown.

 

“It wasn’t so much him doing anything, as much as him being born at all. All Kryptonians were birthed by the Gavrrigehd, a machine that takes tissue samples from two people and lets you design your child.” Kara found humans never seemed to pleased with the idea of it. They feared as they put it ‘designer babies’. It only made sense to Kara, making for smarter, stronger, and, healthier children.

 

“But Jor-El, Kal’s father, had a different idea. Krypton found itself stagnating, and Jor-El agreed with a fringe sentiment that the way to fix it was to bare children unmodified by the Gavrrigehd. That by allowing for the chaos of chance to guide our future we would somehow gain new insights.” For her part Kara had always thought the plan foolish, though she was nowhere near an impartial judge on the matter. “The rest of our house didn’t take it well. To them the idea of the next head to the House of El being be someone so,” Kara tried to find a word that didn’t carry the disdain she had heard so many times by more distant relatives. “Modest was an attack on the very foundation of our great house.” She could tell that her attempt at softening hadn’t worked nearly as well as hoped

 

“But Superman turned out fine.” Maggie started, unconvinced apparently, “I mean he is out there saving the world or is that not something they would have approved of?” Kara was surprised that Maggie seemed so game to defend Superman over her, and slightly hurt. But that was common among humans, either they seemed to love him or hate him. Unlike Alex, Maggie hadn’t had the personal contact to separate the man and the hero.

 

So Kara sat up on the couch and flexed her back in the least threatening way she knew how. She may be about to rip down some illusions about her cousin but that was no reason to be confrontational.

 

“Look he is great by human standards, but by kryptonian he is barely functional.” She was off to a rough start, evidenced by even Alex looking less than pleased, but if tonight was to be about one thing that was no longer holding back truths. “I learned to speak english in less than a month while he can still barely speak Kryptahniuo. I knew more about the way the universe functioned as a thirteen year old than Lex ‘I’m the smartest man alive’ Luthor at the height of his power. Meanwhile Kal got a B- in high school chemistry.” She was yelling now, Kara knew that. But just to be able to finally say these things to someone felt like a weight being lifted.

 

While Kara found this to be extremely cathartic, she also took note that she was getting lost in the weeds of her rant. She attempted to regain control over herself and tried again. “There is no way he would ever have been allowed to rule the House of El, one of the most powerful houses of the Science Guild. Because of that, Kal would have been moved out of the line of succession becoming Kal Jor-El. While I would become Kara-El, next in line to rule.” Despite her best effort Kara noted the hubris intertwined in each of her words. She wasn’t a huge fan, it made her sound a little moustache twirly. But to say her name, her true name Kara-El, still welled a sense of pride that Kal could never understand. To him it was just a last name, just some weird alien words used to describe Clark Kent, his ‘real’ name.

 

The cocked eyebrow she got from both the the other women in the room confirmed to Kara she was, in fact, putting it on a bit thick but her point still stood. Kal’s birth had taken away who she had loved, and his pod having landed first had taken away the title thrust onto her as compensation for that loss. Kara kept her jealousy in check most days, the knowledge that none of it was his fault removed much of the poison attached to the idea. 

 

“So,” Alex started, thinking she had all the pieces put together, “you and Vao?” Kara gave a prompt nod to show that she had pronounced it close enough to correct. “You guys were made when you were thought to be second in line, but if you were to be made queen of the Els you would need a higher class spouse?”

 

Maggie raised her hand as if waiting to be called on and Kara motioned for her to speak. “Also what is Kryptahniuo? Is that like Kryptonian?” The cop had unknowingly tripped, face first, into one of Kara greatest pet peeves.

 

“Firstly there is no such language as Kryptonian, there is on the other hand Kryptonese which is what you call Kryptahniuo written in the English alphabet. This lack of foresight is just another example of why he wouldn’t have been put in charge of our house.” Kara tried to adjust her glasses, that of course weren't there on her face and settled for instead wiping it against her brow as she felt herself deflate, as her mind settled back on Vao-Rri.

 

With sober words, lost to the mirth of not even a few seconds prior. “Alex you don’t know what it’s like to have someone you were literally made to be with ripped away. I spent the first twelve and a half ahmzehto of my life with a person I loved, so much.” Kara adjusted to grab her cape and throw it on top of her legs, she couldn’t really feel cold but that didn’t stop her mind from imagining it. ”You need to understand, she wasn’t just my future wife. She was my best friend and confidant. We would talk endlessly on the phone with one another, we would exchange both gifts and ideas. We spent so long building one another up that the idea of not spending the rest of my life with her was … was devastating.” Kara twisted her fingers along the inside of her cape, wrapping them tight until she felt the fabric cut into her skin. At least that was a tangible pain, one she could fix with ease.

 

Onward her mind pressed her. “Going from having her in my life one day, and the next being told that your uncle had done some great misdeed. Your favorite person in the world gone forever, stripped from my life because of something I have no control over. It was the most painful day of my life. Only to be topped just a few months later when my world, my home, crumbled beneath my feet.” Kal’s birth had marked the start of so much tragedy in her life, she lost her best friend, then her world, and even the last bit of family she had known back on Krypton, her aunt, had been returned to her only to be hacked away again. As Kara stared at Alex she could only wonder how much longer it would be before she to was lost to Kara. Surely this glowing speck of happiness would be ripped away at some point.

 

Alex observed the look in Kara’s eyes and pulled her back into an embrace that she melted into. Alex always knew how to make everything feel better. She remembered those early months on earth were Alex had read to her on nights the world had been to loud to sleep. Or when one of the recurring nightmares that haunted her to this day manifested in the pitch black corners of her psyche. Those early months where she would had panic attacks and Alex would rush to her side despite the risk Kara posed unable to control her powers. Kara had once even broke Alex's arm, but she never let go of Kara. Alex held her the entire ride to the hospital, only letting go when the doctor forced them apart.

 

“What was she like?” Alex whipped a finger across Kara’s tear sullied cheeks. A pleasing smile coating every word. “And Maggie can you make us some hot cocoa, it always pairs well with a good love story.” With a hug given to both the Danvers sisters Maggie made her way to the kitchen, and soon an inviting smell of chocolate made its way into the living room courtesy of Kara’s super senses.

 

“She was, amazing.” It was a breathless comment, just the idea of Vao knocking the wind out of Kara’s sails. Where did she even start with someone of such, such dhiviao. Rao she couldn’t even think of an english word the her level of greatness. “She was so strong, always making sure to protect me. Since we both had a father that worked in the Science Guild but my mother was a Judicator it was decided that I would be the more empathic of the two us. Her other dad was part of the Military Guild, so she was made more utilitarian. I think her father actually served under General Zod, believe it or not.” Kara let out a small giggle, here on Earth he was this famed bad guy but for most of her time on Krypton he was known as an accomplished military general.

 

Alex made a slight hum before continuing, “Well I guess most people don’t start out evil, especially if they can work their way up to being a general.” The idea that Zod was evil bothered Kara, she would never deny that he had done awful things but how far would you go to save your people. Maybe it was because she understood just how much Zod had lost she found herself more forgiving than most about his schemes. In fact Kara had tried a few times to get an audience with Zod. Kal had stopped her at every turn, never understanding why she would want to talk to him. Never understanding that he was, for a long time, the only person she knew that remembered Krypton. The only person that she could talk to unbound by Earthen language and custom.

 

“I remember this one time,” Kara excitedly began. This being one of her favorite memories of Vao, “there was this big assembly for the high ranking families of the Science Guild. Naturally we were invited and Vao-Rri’s family came as well, sponsored by us. We couldn’t have been any older than nine years at the time, and while all the adults were off talking the children were let out into the garden to play.”

 

Kara smiled wide as she retold this story. She already felt the sides of her mouth experiencing that pleasant sting of unbridled joy. “Well Vao and I had become separated in our frolicking about. Suddenly this one kid, a few years older and heir of one the few houses more powerful than El started saying all these mean things to me.” The fake pout that formed as Kara animatedly moved through her story brought a small chuckle to Maggie as she returned balancing three steaming mugs in her hands.

 

“The second I started to cry I heard this load shout from across the garden ‘Kara I’m Coming’” Kara yelled herself cupping her mouth with her hands, her mind lost in reverie. “Suddenly there Vao was standing right between me and this bratty kid who easily had a foot on her. But she stood tall, not giving an inch as she glared back at him. He just laughed at her saying ‘what’s some no name going to do to me? You touch me and I’ll tarnish your family name for generations to come.’” Kara slithered out her whiniest voice for the brat, honestly she didn’t remember how he sounded, but was pretty sure this fit the story.

 

“So what’d our girl do?” Maggie clearly liked girls with a bit of an edge if her infatuation with Alex was anything to go by, and Kara was happy to supply a thrilling answer.

 

“What she did was give him a hard right hook, I can still recall the sound of his ass hitting the floor and his shrill little cry as he went in search of an adult to make him feel better.” Maggie and Alex both broke into congratulations for a girl that had been dead for over two decades. But honestly hearing anyone praise the woman that had almost been her wife made Kara well up with tears of pride.

 

Alex after a deep gulp of cocoa, marshmallow mustache at full effect began, “I’m happy you had someone to look after you before I was able to. Even if the story doesn’t have the happiest of endings.”

 

Kara felt the ever burning pyre in her heart assuage slightly, having less access to the solitary grief that fueled it, ‘a burden shared’ she mused. “She ended up in so much trouble, it was weeks before it played itself out. Those that didn’t like the House of El taking this mild political faux pas and parading it around to try and stir up controversy. My father loved the whole thing though, after it had started to die down he bought Vao just the biggest, um, teddy bear like thing. You don’t really have one on Earth, but it’s this toy for kids that is meant to comfort, and the one my dad got for her was like, huge, two of me at least.” Kara held her arms out to try and give a sense of scale, but the other two women in the room didn’t appear to be getting anything out of her, very accurate, miming.

 

Maggie’s smile had grown ear to ear, “So you’ve always had a thing for the strong, no bs, type girls. That does explain Luthor, well that and the legs, no offense Danvers but that girl has got gams, days worth.” With only a light slap on the arm Maggie counted herself lucky as she snickered off the assault.

 

That had clearly gotten Alex thinking though “I don’t want to press the issue here but what about Mon-El, you just lost him are you sure you’re not rebounding with Lena? The last thing we need is a lovelorn Luthor. I’m just saying she may be good now but broken hearts make people do crazy things.” Kara already predicted this line of questioning. If she was being honest with herself losing Mon-El had seemed far more daunting before Lena had so fundamentally changed their relationship. Now Kara found her chest warm just at the vague imaginings of the two of them doing little more than sharing a blanket on the couch, nevermind doing more romantic activities.

 

With a glance down to the cup in her hands, she watched as the marshmallows churned against the sweet drink. She would have to lay the groundwork so that they might understand her sudden dearth of empathy for the man. “Honestly, he was work to be with Alex. So much of our relationship was based on this seeming responsibility for me to be with him. He was my best chance of adding one more generation of the House of El. Even without that he was the only one I could hold a conversation about Krypton with. He had read my favorite childhood book, and had seen my favorite movie.” The tip of Kara’s lip cut into her cheek, “It was a period piece set around an ancient war, he liked it for the battles I liked it for the romance, which wasn’t something many pieces of Kryptonian media had.” Kara found herself lost, while a faint recollection played behind her eyelids of the two leads sharing a kiss before the fade to black.

 

As Kara opened her eyes she noticed a tinge of apprehension in Alex's furrowed brow. She always kept a watchful eye incase Kara fell back into that deep abyss of nostalgia. To Kara’s unending shame Alex, on to many occasions, has had to reach in and grab hold of Kara. Alex was her only lifeline back to this world so different from her own. But a world that still managed on rare occasion to put something in her path that would undo over a decade of emotional barriers. Putting her right back in that pod staring out into that ever growing expanse of black where once her home lied.

 

“Alex look, I’m not saying we had the best, or healthiest relationship with one another. Rao, we must have spent as much time fighting as being just on good terms.” Kara paused and collected herself. “We definitely fought for longer than we loved one another. What was important though was that on nights were the loss was just too much to bare, even if we had been fighting, we could put it aside and talk. Reminisce about any little part of home we could remember.”

 

Kara let loose a sigh, one she hadn’t realized before had been propping up all her doubts about giving up Mon-El. She knew that he was at best a crutch, it was easy to slide back into her old self destructive habits surrounding Krypton with him. They allowed one another to indulged their most sullen impulses. And if Mon-El had one talent it was to get people to indulge in what could ultimately destroy them. 

 

Kara nursed her drink, unsure if the warmth filling her was the cocoa or the idea of moving past someone she thought she loved only a few hours ago. Life could be funny that way, and when you had lost as many people as Kara you learn to expedite the grieving process.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know things were so tense between you two. You know that I would never try and push you into anything you didn’t want right?” Alex moved regaining a tight grip on Kara’s side, a reassuring hand on her back and a finger joining stray locks of hair back behind the young super girl’s ear. Maggie followed Alex's lead and tucked herself into Kara’s side as well, but not a snug, never as snug. Kara had found over the years that no one held her like Alex, only she knew just how much pressure it took for Kara to really start to feel things. The feather light grazing of most people had been extremely ticklish when she had first landed. Though the dichotomy of difference between her bone cracking grip and everyone else’s specter of contact had disturbed her more.

 

Maggie’s hand started to put slightly more pressure on her leg so Kara turned around in time for Maggie to wipe the ghost of a tear off her cheek. “Look little Danvers, if anyone ever gives you a hard time, boy or girl, just call me. I know all the best places to hide a body, trust me no one will ever find them.” The trio let out a relieved chuckle, the worst of the talk now past them. “Also just saying I called Luthor having the hots for you at least four months ago. I mean the way she looked at you while I was arresting her; never have I seen anyone so relieve that a person they had only met a dozen times didn’t think they were a murderer or anything.”

 

With that Kara made a remarkably unconvincing face, going for a slighted frown pointed squarely in Alex's direction. “Okay look, don’t blame me for not passing that on, I thought you were only into dudes at the time! How was I supposed to know I was apparently keeping you from your new gal pal.”

 

Kara had to lean back as a quick hand whipped in front of her and hit her sister’s leg with a loud smack. “Babe, just, just no. Not even as a joke okay, I have way too many sore memories from back east of friends and family downplaying or outright ignoring my relationships with a turn a phrase like that.” The two sisters both made a mental note of that and quickly tried to pivot.

 

“So Kara,” Alex's full attention back on her baby sister, “how long do you think before the two of you are joining us for double dates?” A grin that would put even the Cheshire Cat’s to shame slowly emerged across Alex’s face, teeth on full display.

 

“Not super sure,” Kara managed to squeak out, the idea of her and Lena going on any kind of date, let alone a double, filled her with that strange and intoxicating sense of foreboding and desire. “Figured we would see how a month felt and play it by ear after that point. Lena was pretty cool about waiting honestly. Well you know, as cool as one can be after accidentally telling the girl you have a crush on you love her only to find out she’s an alien.” Kara was going to add in a shrug before realizing she was far to pinned in to do so without hurting anyone and honestly she was feeling to warm and fuzzy to risk it on such a small gesture.

 

“Is that all?” Maggie began, “ I found out my girl was a spook, agency doesn’t even exist kind of spook and I got over that once Alex bent over to pick something up so I don’t think you’ll have much to worry about. Also back to me not speaking whatever you called Kryptonian, what’s an AM-ZEE-TOE or I guess how long? Am I going to need a dictionary to keep hanging around you guys?”

 

Kara knew she must have had a look of sheer disgust on her face by the raucous laughter that now came out of Maggie. To have the image of her sister and Maggie being intimate thrust back into her mind was painful. Especially as Kara had on more than a few occasions overheard the two of them in the act, super hearing was equally a blessing and a curse. Hesitant at first Alex gave in and joined her girlfriend in laughter. Finally Kara caved finding the rooms jubilation a little to contagious and soon all three women were laughing harder than they had in days. Between rebuilding after the invasion and clamping down after the spike in anti-alien protests and extremists it had been a hard few days for them. To let go, and feel free to enjoy this ever so slight reprieve felt like a gift from Rao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few bits of lore explanation first an Ahmzeht is equal to about one and a third years here on earth. Secondly to explain how I'm going to have kryptonian last names work. You keep the primary house name (El) if you are born from a person in the main line so Seyg-El bore Jor and Zor-El. And Jor-El would have Kal-El and any sibblings he may have had in time assuming Krypton didn't blow up. Now for children that are not in the direct line of succession (Zor-El) their children have the last name of the person they broke off from the main line from i.e. Kara Zor-El, and any children she may have will keep that last name (Zor-El) assuming her or any child she may have don't end up with someone of higher status. Also when two people are married they take the house name of whoever holds higher status. In cases where they are of equal status, they keep their own house names and their child takes the name of whichever parent works in a field more closely related to the field the child will work in. Hope that makes sense.


	3. non

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I would like to thank Earthling3 for all their help with editing this chapter, without them it didn't even read half as well.
> 
> I would also like to thank everyone that has already left either a Kudo or a comment as the support is very welcome and fuels me to write as much as I can. Once again I would like to note that the chapter names are the words for the numbers in Kryptahniuo and that this chapter name is not in reference to any other supergirl character.

Lena leaned back in her chair, casting a glance out the window and wondering where Kara might be right now. She had never intended for Kara to know her feelings. It seemed too great a risk even for such a tantalizing reward. Because of that Lena felt like she had forfeited the best friend role, something her mother always told her she was dreadful at anyway.

 

Assumptions about Kara’s sexuality had comforted Lena previously, as she thought that maybe her failing stabs at courtship had merely gone soaring over a straight girls head. Much to Lena’s surprise though, she learned that Kara wasn’t opposed to dating a woman; she was just less intuitive than most when it came to romantic forays. Or at least to what might be considered a human approach to romantic courtship , which made a semblance of sense to Lena given Kara’s otherworldly origin.

 

Lena fished around in the drawer of her desk, looking for the bottle of pain medication she always kept there. Her office served as more a home than she liked to admit, and she had more than a handful of items stashed away in case long nights turned into early mornings. As the tips of her fingers danced along her temples, Lena capitulated to the idea that she might have been a tad overindulgent after Kara had left. She was able to hold the veneer of normalcy after Kara’s Earth-shattering revelation. Well, maybe Krypton-shattering would be a more fitting if somewhat macabre analogy. But as soon as Kara’s boots had left her balcony, another bottle had left its shelf, only to find itself devoid of contents and splintered on her bedroom floor in the early hours of the morning.

 

How could Kara be Supergirl? Lena didn’t think she had ever even seen Kara make a fist, let alone punch someone. She wouldn't deny it though. She wasn’t Lex dealing with Clark, who she was also far more certain about now. She still remembered when all three of the private investigators Lex had hired had come back with the same tale; Mister Meek was in fact a titan. Lena was keenly aware that all three of those men were likely dead now. The look in her brother’s eyes had plainly painted that outcome as they had left the room. She had to wonder if that information had been what ultimately sealed her brother's fate against the man of steel. In that final confrontation, when he looked down upon Superman, did he instead see only his friend?

 

Lena tossed back a small handful of pills, this wasn’t a day for careful measuring. Slowly she ran her finger around the brim of her cup. Normally she would never finish an entire bottle of anything, especially if she had to work the next morning, but finding out half of your social circle was non-maliciously cat-fishing you while in the guise of the other half makes a person do peculiar things. Not that Lena really blamed Kara. Her secret wasn’t just her own. It was her cousin’s, and her sister’s, and it encompassed everyone else in her merry band of friends that might potentially be used as leverage. She would also never be able to hold a job again, at least not as Kara Danvers, if this information leaked.

 

Suddenly Lena remembered her alien detection device. When her techs had later looked it over, they had put the short in its wires down to a mistake in the assembly of the prototype. In light of this new knowledge about her friend, she thought that mayhaps a little bird had tampered with it. Again she found herself unable to blame Kara. Lena knew exactly how far she was willing to go to protect what she valued. And what were a few singed wires between friends? Or maybe more if Lena got her way.

 

As euphoric as the idea of dating Kara sounded, it still weighed in the pit of Lena’s stomach, gnawing at her insides and clawing at her heart. She could deal with - and had dealt with - unrequited love before; a hazard for anyone, especially those whose tastes remain in their own locker room. Lena was the one who scheduled the one-month check-in, to see if Kara was ready or still needed her space. People wanting space from Lena was nothing new, Lena thought. She would have suggested that one could prove this by just asking friends, until she suddenly realized she only has the one. Kara offered a chance at so much. Not just love, but a family that didn’t want to kill her. Invitations for game nights may no longer be optional, but that seemed a worthy sacrifice for love. Maybe she could even have a cadre of friends that didn’t see dollar signs when staring back at her.

 

Many of Lena’s friends while she was growing up looked to her more as an open checkbook than anything else. Just as well, Lena wouldn’t say that the debtor friend was all that bad as long as you both had an idea of what each brought to the table. Pleasant conversation, gracious compliments, and if you had an eye for picking them, a warm bed at home where all things that could be deftly acquired with the right flash of green. Kara wasn’t amenable to bribes of either coin or consequence, that was what Lena loved about her, but that was also what made this endeavor so frightening. How many doors filled with rapturous self-hatred and well hidden scars could Kara walk through before finding the effort to outweigh the reward.

 

Lena wished with all her might that she could have skipped work. She had far too many things to plan if she was to ever have a shot at sustaining any sort of relationship with Kara. Kara wasn’t just any pretty girl, she was brilliant by any definition one wished to apply. A smile as bright as the sun, an astute mind sharpened by both physiology and tutelage from far beyond Lena’s own little star. No, being at work was a grave mistake, only surpassed by her having pushed today’s meeting back four times in the previous weeks. Having already read the proposal she was more than happy to increase funding to the project. 3-D printing was the future after all, but the man in charge of the project wanted to explain it to her personally. Lena presumed he thought her incapable of understanding either its nuance or his methods without an in-depth lesson, a common problem among her more senior lab techs.

 

So there Lena sat, two hours before a meeting she neither wanted nor needed, feeling the walls box her in as dread filled every inch of her. Kara must have come to her senses by the time she got home last night. She must have only been humoring Lena, waiting for the first opportunity to leave and laugh at the mere supposition of romance with Lena. More terrifying was the idea that maybe Kara really did like her back. Not as much as Lena loved her, but enough to give a go at it at least. Lena had years of experience dealing with hatred, but compassion left far deeper scars.

 

Lena was lost in her dreams and nightmares of a future with and without Kara. Wildly oscillating between visions of white picket fences with two and a half children, and herself crying old and alone after irrevocably marring her chance with the only woman that had ever shown her sincere love. Jess’s voice snapped her back to reality. Lena halfheartedly swiped for the intercom. “Miss Luthor, I have an agent Danvers here to see you.” Tendrils of terror worked their way down Lena’s back, why was Kara’s FBI sister looking for her? Never in Lena’s life had she wished for her brother to make another attempt on her life, but there was a first time for everything. Surly she was here to whisk Lena way from this dreadful day and this soon to be dreadful meeting, and they would certainly not talk about anyone being in love with anyone else's sister.

 

The pause between Jess’s comment and Lena’s expected reply had grown painfully long. She had precious few seconds left before agent Danvers would likely break her door down, or at least try to, as Lena had made damn sure no mortal could breach it. Finally mustering her energies, Lena responded, making sure both her lip and her voice were steady. “Please send the agent in.” Cold and detached was a game Lena had learned to play quite well in the somber halls of the Luthor manor.

 

Lena watched as her door slowly opened and the familiar agent walked in. Lena found it odd that every suit worn by every agent she had ever met looked exactly the same, with size being the only difference. That same shade of black, the same cut of the collar, the same small bulge near the hip. She had only met Alex on a few occasions, but the woman seemed amicable to Lena in spite of her last name. She held the strong gait of someone sure of purpose.

 

“Agent Danvers, please tell me my brother hasn’t taken it upon himself to try to kill me again? His last bid left his resources open and his pride threadbare.” A cocky smile and a wave of the hand, Lena thought. Every action planned and prepared. To cut straight to the heart of Alex’s agenda was the best tactic, she thought, it gave her at least the illusion of control. And if they really were going to have it out over Kara she might as well leave as much room in her schedule as possible to regain her composure before her upcoming meeting.

 

Unfortunately Alex waved that hope off dismissively. “No, as far as I know he is still the model citizen of his cell block." Alex circled one of Lena’s chairs with her eyes locked on Lena’s. Lena was impressed at the power play. Or she would have been, except every extraneous thought was being purged to make room for planning out a strategy where she didn’t end up ‘disappeared’ by Kara’s FBI sister.

 

Lena could only imagine what must have been going through Alex’s mind at that moment. While Alex had seemed open enough to the idea of her being friends with Kara, Lena was sure that it wouldn’t extend to their recent more romantic venture. Lena knew that every second she didn’t gift a counterpoint she was ceding ground, “My mother then? I had assumed she would play her cards closer to the chest at least for a few months, and try to milk what good will she could before reminding everyone that she is in fact a terrorist.” Push, keep talking, make them work for every word. Kara may punch harder but Lena knew she could weave words with the best of them.

 

Alex didn’t seem impressed as she leaned back into the chair, legs spread wide to take up as much room as possible, and arm half wrapped around the back. If Lena hadn’t been trained so well she would be smiling, this woman really knew how to own a room. “Look Lena,” Lena noticed her use of her first name, either a show of disrespect or an olive branch to build rapport. “How about we drop the act. We both know exactly why I’m here. I’m not going to chew you out, and I’m not here to give you my blessing.” A neutral reception was better than she was expecting, and her blood pressure dropped back towards its normal range.

 

“I hope that means you won’t be making me intimately acquainted with a small black cell then? Look, it was never my intent for Kara to know about my feelings.” Honestly more than once today she had already wished she could turn back the clock to before her outburst. Friendship was safe, and more than Lena felt she deserved. Love wasn’t something she had ever really planned for. On the rare occasion where the thought crossed her mind, she found herself more likely to take a trophy wife, not that she was proud of the notion. “Supergirl just smiled at me asking what was wearing down my heart so, that and she presents a trustworthy front. She also had the benefit of knowing Kara so if I had been wrong about her leanings, I thought Supergirl might point me in the right direction.” God she sounds like she is begging, begging not to be sent to the corner like a child who’s sullied the good carpet by tracking in mud.

 

Luckily the smile Alex displayed seemed to express something like motherly exasperation - by television standards at least, as her own mother only ever showed grudging pride or utter loathing. “Well, Kara does make a habit of inspiring love in those caught in her orbit. Before you can start to dig your way out of this mess the two of you have found yourselves in, I’ll need you to sign these.” Alex handed her a small stack of papers pulled out of her inner suit pocket.

 

An NDA. Lena laughed under her breath. Of course she would have to sign one, Kara had even mentioned it last night. The funny part was just how plain the text was, clearly not written by a lawyer, at least not one she would hire. Its clause was broad but sung a familiar song; ‘never tell anyone, or you will be put somewhere where your talking won't be an issue’. Lena respected it. No frills, no minutiae to trip over, just hard lines and harder punishment. She was also fairly sure that the document only applied to Kara, and not to Clark. That was an interesting point to remember.

 

“I must say Alex,” Lena said, thinking that she can play it just as casually as her guest, “this is quite a boring document. Here I was expecting pitfalls and instead it just tells me not to wander off the road. Disappointing, but what else would one expect of bureaucracy.” Lena made quick work of it, signing, initialling and dating on every line needed. Lena still had her apprehensions about dating Kara. Most revolved around the crushing self hatred Lillian had nurtured in her. ‘The only thing she nurtured in me,’ Lena brooded. But Lena knew she would never have any hesitance in keeping Kara’s secret.

 

When Lena offered the document back to Alex she meticulously checked its pages, making sure no line was skipped. With their treaty formalized, Alex’s gaze trailed its way over Lena, not dissimilar to a butcher’s gaze when checking pigs for the slaughter. “So, what Kara said last night was true? You do love her?” A straight shot across the bow, a bold play.

 

Lena never liked the idea of others knowing anything she had ever considered a secret, it hurt her like a knife in her heart. She wondered how many years with Kara it would take for her to unlearn that fear, so courteously beaten into her by Lilian. At that moment she knew she had to be exceedingly honest; the agent before her clearly had a nose for bullshit, and Lena was fairly certain that lying to her maybe girlfriend’s sister would be considered bad form. “Y-yes. And while I’m sure you hate the idea of a Luthor fawning over your Super, I’ll remind you that honestly I care far more for Kara than I ever did about Supergirl.”

 

Alex only peered out the window gazing past Lena instead of at her, tapping her hand on her knee as she worked to formulate a response. Lena wondered whether she was judging the veracity of her claim, or merely amusing herself at the tragedy of it all. Romeo and Juliet with lasers instead of poison. Two houses locked in eternal conflict, but somehow the new blood is now helplessly trapped in the throes of passion. “Lena, do you really think that you should date her? Even outside your family you attract a lot of media attention, and the more eyes there are on Kara the more likely someone is to compare pictures of her and Supergirl. She survives through her anonymity.”

 

Lena knew this was a valid point, and not one she hadn’t already added to her expansive list of reasons dating Kara was a terrible idea. Unfortunately, no matter how many points she added to the ‘don’ts’ side of her running list, they never managed to surpass the one great ‘do’ of simply being closer to Kara. That alone, no matter how terrifying or illogical, seemed to make all else fall away. Lena also trusted in Kara. She had said herself that she would never let Lena go. Why would this be any different? Yes, Kara would light their path, no matter how treacherous.

 

“I have already accounted for that Alex. Honestly, we are already so close in public, I doubt anyone will notice any difference as long as we’re not making out on the front page.” ‘Don’t smile Lena,’ she had to chant in her mind. While the imagined sensation was enough to keep her bed warm at night, getting giddy in front of Kara’s sister was a recipe for certain disaster.

 

Alex pulled herself forward, resting her hands on Lena’s desk, as her gaze finally made its way back to Lena. “Planning on making out in private then?” That sliver of a smirk cut deep into Lena. Since when was she this bad at talking to people? It was obviously some type of Danvers magic, Lena surmised.

 

“Well, um,” Was this the shovel talk she had always heard about? Lena thought herself quite the catch if you ignored the evil family, and public hatred, and having to actually spend time with Lena, which her mother had assured her scared off most suitors. But she was extravagantly wealthy and not at all difficult to look at, which in her mind balanced out the scales. “I’m happy to sign any other papers you need me to. If you have nothing further, I have a busy schedule and would like to get back to it.”

 

What she and Kara decided was between them. While Alex seemed not to currently be a fan of the idea, Lena was sure Kara could sand down any rough edges to make further interactions pleasant. Alex didn’t move. If anything her change in posture looked more like someone digging in, building trenches for the coming war. “Lena, how long do you think Kara’s longest relationship with a human lasted?”

 

Lena paused, it was never anything Lena gave much thought to,honestly. She knew that Kara dated James Olsen for a while, but the duration had never been mentioned. Kara had also offhandedly brought up a few other past boyfriends, mostly from college, but the longer Lena mused the more she realized Kara had never once mentioned how long any of her previous relationships had lasted.

 

“What are you trying to say? That Kara is some type of love ’em and leave ’em playgirl? Don’t be obtuse, she’s the picture of a wholesome girl, pastel colors and all.” No, Lena thought, no. Sure, maybe Kara had left out a few small bits of information, but she was a private person by necessity. She could also be forgetful with the details of a story, placing more emphasis on the emotions. But it didn’t feel right, and no amount of justifying could work it back into place. Lena did have every confidence in Kara, but she couldn’t deny the troubling void left, not just by a lack of exact numbers, but even a general time frame. Lena couldn’t be sure if Kara dated James for a day or a year, and that wasn’t something the average person glossed over.

 

Alex got out of her chair and walked around the desk, sitting on it once she reached Lena’s side, so that she could again stare out over National City. “You’re right Lena, but while she may not be partying it up in every bar she can find, that doesn’t preclude her from having commitment issues. She pined after James Olsen for the better part of a year only to break up with him less than a month after they started dating. He was one of her longer-lasting boyfriends too. Kara's first only lasted two days.”

 

That pitch black tar that coated Lena’s heart dripped down her spine. Her mother’s words played in her mind: ‘No one will ever love you.’ ‘You’re not worth anything.’ ‘Why did you even bother to slither out of your whore of a mother.’ All Lena could do was turn away from Alex, trying to shield what little pride she had patched together. Why had she even bothered to come to work today? “She dated that alien, Mon-El, for a few months. Maybe she was turning over a new leaf?” Mon-El was the one person for whom she was sure of the timeframe for their romantic involvement, though only because she’d had the misfortune of waiting on the sidelines. Lena also knew why he was different, why he had been allowed to bask in Kara’s radiant glow, while Lena was destined to be dragged back to under her own darkened umbra.

 

A steady hand on Lena’s shoulder was Alex’s only acknowledgement of her violation of decorum. “Honestly, after talking to her last night I think she loved the idea he represented more than the man himself. And because he was so forceful about their relationship he ended up as more of a job to her, something she had to work at rather than someone to love.”

 

That was almost comforting. At least when she inevitably failed she wouldn’t have to measure herself against the alien frat boy, instead only against Superman’s best friend. What would Lex say if he could see her plight? While he had been the least hateful member of her family when it came to her choice in partners, Lena doubted that courtesy would extend to Kara. “So why is Kara so quick to leave a partner? Is she afraid to injure them? She told me last night that her people used a machine to reproduce. Do you think she might be asexual?”

 

Alex only shook her head. “She may well have fears about hurting a partner, but I don’t think that is the root. Also, while the people of Krypton did reproduce via machine, they still had sex, as they saw it as both a pleasurable and noninvasive way to release their versions of endorphins.” Alex gave Lena a small squeeze. “No, you’ve known Kara less than a year, and it may be hard to picture it now, but when she first arrived Kara was ... different. I’m not sure if PTSD is even the appropriate term to describe the mental anguish she felt as a result of everything she witnessed. She watched as every man, woman, and child she had ever known died, only to have the one member of not just her species, but her own family, that still lived abandon her once she could speak our language.

 

“No person I’ve ever met could experience that and come out the other side sane, let alone live a happy life. I remember one time, not long after Kara had begun to live with us. She would watch all of our old VHS tapes to try and get a better handle on Earth’s culture. We had forgotten to take A New Hope off the self.” It took Lena a few seconds for her mind to realize why that might be such a terrible thing.

 

“Alderaan…” Lena whispered, as she covered her mouth.

 

Lena noticed a solitary tear roll down Alex’s cheek. “Yeah. I was in my room at the time and both our parents were out of the house. Suddenly I almost went deaf from Kara screaming. When I got downstairs all I saw was Luke training on the screen and Kara trembling on the couch. Her eyes glowed a sickening red while great plumes of steam billowed out. She stopped talking after that... stopped eating too, if you can believe it. All she did was lie there. She had never talked about Krypton’s destruction with anyone, not even Superman. I think that she had been keeping those memories buried, and in that one instant it all came rushing back.

 

“Since she refused to eat and we couldn’t put an IV into her arm to feed her, we ended up having to keep her under sunlamps constantly. That is how we learned that a Kryptonian could actually live on solar radiation alone.” Alex’s tears started to rain harder now, the levee broken as memories flooded back. “She stayed like that for over a month, becoming so gaunt that I could wrap the fingers of one hand around her arm. Honestly we thought she was going to die like that, Superman even came to pay his respects. We thought that she was just too broken, to ravaged by nightmares and sorrow to ever find her way back to us. But then, one day she just got up and went about her business like nothing had ever happened. We tried a few times to talk to her about what happened, but she would always deflect the conversation. In the end we were all too afraid of it happening again to pursue it any further.

 

“I still wish she would talk to a therapist, but she refuses. First she complained that she couldn’t talk about her real issues without revealing her identity. Now, even though I work for the government and could get her one with high enough clearance to talk candidly, she pushes it aside. She claims she no longer needs it.” Alex’s face is twisted with anger and Lena couldn’t help but agree. After the hell her mother had put her through, the only reason she was alive was her therapist.

 

Lena pushed herself out of her chair, needing to defuse some of the growing tension coiling inside herself. She found it difficult to imagine Kara in such a despondent state, with her mind so tightly wound around a giant lump of agony that it threatened to snap. Lena had been there more times than she would ever tell anyone. She had lost count of the times she had stood othe balcony outside her bedroom, a flimsy railing the only thing between her and a final release. To imagine that Kara had gone through so much, yet somehow managed to present herself as nothing less than pure luminescence was staggering. That gave way to perhaps Lena’s most lucid moment of realization, that Kara was super in such a grander sense than any power could show.

 

All of this brought a new idea to the surface. Both Kara and herself were orphans burdened with family ties and painful histories. Maybe Lena wasn’t some great weight that only Kara could carry. Maybe they could serve as anchors for one another, each having seen the worst of their respective worlds, they could help each other stand against their skulking trauma. If anyone could understand even half the pain that Kara has been through, Lena felt that maybe she could.

 

“I appreciate the insight. Earlier you seemed rather tepid about me. Have I changed your mind?” As Lena turned to face Alex she noticed the clock on the wall. It had already been an hour since Alex arrived. And while Lena felt that she could talk about Kara all day (something Jess could attest to), she would have to wrap this up soon. She wanted to properly prepare herself to bury those idiots in her upcoming meeting under an avalanche of their own jargon. They would have to serve as an outlet for the bile threatening to rend her.

 

Alex picked herself off the table and turned to stare directly into Lena’s eyes, and Lena realized that they had moved past posturing. “Honestly? Even if you do love Kara, you have too much baggage. I’m not sure if you’re worth the risk. Also, if things break down between the two of you, things could turn ugly in so many ways. I’m still charting them down for my boss. Who, by the way, is also very against this. But I see the way Kara looks when she talks about you, I’ve seen it for a while. I had been hoping it was just because she’s never had that many close female friends, but apparently my girlfriend had a better eye for the situation.” Alex’s smile was wistful and fond, clearly she loved her girlfriend.

 

Lena couldn’t help but roll her eyes, “That would be the detective that arrested me, right?” Lena found that Alex wasn’t naming any barriers that she hadn’t already accounted for. Moreover she found Alex’s lack of faith in her sister’s judgement suspect.

 

“Yes. Her name is Maggie. If you are going to be a part of this family, you’d better start to learn names. Really, I just want you to know that I am watching you. Not because I think you’re an evil Luthor, but because you’re both a powerful person and frequently in the public eye, two things that Kara should avoid in a partner.” Alex’s pointed rant had both of them too absorbed to hear the door not five feet away slide open, revealing the very topic of their conversation.

 

“How are my two favorite ladies?” Kara’s cheery tone and bright smile quickly derailed their conversation, as it was obviously not a topic either of them wished to discuss in her presence.

 

Alex beat Lena to the punch in figuring out a reasonable excuse. “Oh, I was just having Lena sign these NDAs for me.” Alex patted her chest over where the papers rested.

 

Lena always found it amazing how much just the sight of Kara could change her entire mood. She might have spent a day schmoozing alongside the most sexist of her board members, but the second she was able to lay eyes on Kara she would count it as a great day. Now it was only a question of how much she wanted to push things in front of Alex.

 

She settled for a slightly-too-long hug, with her hand lazily staying in Kara’s. It was a bit old hat, but more than enough if Alex’s expression was anything to go by. “Hello Supergirl,” Lena’s voice positively dripped impropriety. “Alex here was just leaving now that I legally can only say your true name in a more … intimate setting, or I risk being put into cuffs.” Lena cocked her brow and took her lip between her teeth to really drive home the effect. Kara for her part turned a shade of red only matched by her cape, while Alex’s eyes rolled so hard there was a real possibility that they might have become stuck.

 

“Uh, well, I’m uh, happy you’ve finished with that, not that I thought you would really tell anyone of course.” Kara turned to faced Alex, “I trust you Lena.” Lena grinned, guessing she had become a pointed barb of contention between the normally inseparable sisters.

 

Taking note that she had become a third wheel Alex began to make her exit. “I’ll talk to you later right Supergirl?” Alex was at the door gingerly awaiting her sister’s response.

 

“Of course,” Kara assured her with a dimpled smile.

 

“And I imagine I’ll be seeing you around as well, Miss Luthor.” Alex gave a small wave as she opened the door and exited, not waiting for the answer. Lena also noted the change in the way Alex addressed her when she was closer to the door. ‘Probably not wanting anyone to know how close we are,’ she thought. 

 

“So, to what do I own this pleasant visit, Supergirl?” Lena beamed back at what could very well be the most beautiful woman she had ever met, both in mind and body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not this chapter was originally going to be two different scenes but then this first one ended up over 5k words and I have a feeling that the other part was going to end much the same way so instead of a single 10k word chapter I'm going with two that are 5k, sorry.


	4. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, the D&D campaign that I run has kinda gone way off the rails. Since the campaign that I run is entirely homebrew I've had a lot to iron out to get ahead of my players.
> 
> Also once again a giant thank you to Earthling3 who edits the mess that I send into something coherent.

Kara found the gentle hum of the NCPD calming. After her initial spat with Maggie over Supergirl’s less than lawful apprehension of criminals, the two were able mull out a decent workaround after a heated back and forth. Supergirl was now an honorary deputy of the NCPD. Alex had helped quite a bit in this, and since Supergirl already worked for the DEO, adding another agency wasn’t all that difficult. All this really added up to was Kara coming down to the precinct every other Saturday and filling out some paperwork with her partner.

 

Officer Jackson, or Chuck as he prefered to be addressed, was a seasoned veteran. He had been a part of the force for nearly fifty years. Hard lines after so many years of service would have painted most as staunch or callous, but not Chuck. His smile reached from ear to ear most days, even after he had been forced to work from a wheelchair. Chuck used to be a beat cop, well-loved by his community and more likely to talk a criminal down than reach for a weapon. So when Maggie had thought of who should serve as Kara’s partner, Chuck was the first on her list.

 

Kara normally loved her trips down to NCPD, but today she couldn’t stop her leg from bouncing while her eyes kept roaming up to the clock, its hands marching faster than she would have liked. Chuck let out a small exhausted laugh as he perused the next file from the heap on his desk. “Why is it that they keep shooting you with normal guns? I mean you would think that they would have learned by now that it isn’t going to work. Just save the money. If it were me I would just turn myself in if I had a Super chasing after me.” Chuck filled out a few more lines on the file before setting it on the slowly growing pile of finished forms.

 

“Well, you’re a good guy, so of course you would turn yourself in. As for the criminals, I think it’s just a fear response. And to be fair, getting shot at did stop me once. That was only because it hit a bystander though.” Kara trailed off, not wanting to give anyone the idea that shooting at bystanders was an effective way to stop her, not that anyone other than Chuck was there to listen.

 

Chuck clicked his tongue and shook his head. “I feel like we should show a video to prisoners about the do’s and don’ts of fighting against you. I mean unless they have an alien weapon or kryptonite they’re going to lose, so don’t bother making things worse by increasing property damage. If you’re just stealing something, there’s no reason to add attempted murder to your list of charges by shooting at people.” He tapped his pen on the table as he tried to work through his thought.

 

“Actually, a recent court case found that shooting a normal gun at Superman no longer counted as attempted murder, as it has no chance of hurting him. It was still considered assault, but not battery, because like I said it can’t hurt him. I expect it would apply with me, too, but I wasn’t in that incident.” Kara wasn’t sure how she felt about this ruling. It made a certain legal sense, since you can’t attempt to murder someone if you know your attacks can’t even hurt the person. It also seemed clear it would be extended to other aliens so that one could argue that they had no idea their attack could hurt them. This might let you downgrade your charge in court.

 

Kara still couldn’t help but stare back up at the clock. On any other day she would have reveled in the hours flying by. But today Lena was waiting for her in a small cafe, putting aside her L-Corp responsibilities just to spend some time with her. Kara quickly pulled her phone from her boot to send Lena a message. ‘Will be late, working at NCPD’. Short, sweet, and to the point. Now if only Kara could finish her seventh and last box of files. She found it to be a less than amusing loop. She had stopped more crime to burn off the anxiety she had been feeling over Lena, which had led to more paperwork, which had led to more anxiety by making her late for their lunch.

 

“Something bothering you Abby?” Chuck had taken to calling her that, as he found Supergirl far too impersonal. That, and he was too nice to ask Kara what her real name might be. Abby was the name of this late sister, who he said Kara reminded him of. “Don’t tell me,” he began, tapping his finger on the stubble of his poorly-shaven chin. “You have a date with that alien boyfriend of yours?” Kara found his voice was teasing yet warm, like fresh apple pie cooling on a window seal.

 

Kara hadn’t seen Chuck since the Daxamite attack, hadn’t told him about Mon-El being banished by her own hand. In fact, the invasion was why this was taking so long - they had skipped their previous report during the repairs. It somehow seemed surreal that only two weeks had passed since Lena had confessed, and only a few days more than that since Kara had watched Mon-El sail away for the last time. Now she sat here with this kind old man staring at her, wondering what he had said to knock the wind from her sails. “Well ... no. Mike and I have separated.” Just as with Kara, Chuck never asked for Mon-El’s true name, opting instead just for a pseudonym so he wouldn’t have to keep calling him ‘that alien guy.’ With Mike already a common human name, it was a logical way to keep from mixing up what she called him.

 

“I am so sorry to hear that.” He reached forward to lay a hand on hers, resting on the desk above the page. Only the small sound of his metal wheelchair hitting against the desk rang out to fill the room. “Did you break up with him, or the other way around?” Kara loved how much concern shone behind his eyes, readying whichever pep talk he would need to turn Kara’s frown upside down, as he liked to say.

 

With a quick squeeze of his hand she retook her pen and started back on the files. “Well I guess I broke up with him, but when I said we separated I kinda meant that literally. He was forced to leave with the rest of the Daxamites. Tell me, is it bad that I’m already getting over him? It feels weird to go on an almost-date so soon after he left, but they just make me feel so happy?” While Kara and Lena both had intended to wait one month before they started to officially date, that plan was quickly falling apart. They already spent most lunches together, a lot of dinners, and Supergirl’s fly-bys have now turned into Kara’s sit-down-and-chats. They both realised they already spent far too much time with one another to pull back to normal friends territory. They found themselves in this nebulous middle ground, waiting on ceremony more than anything before calling one another ‘girlfriend’.

 

Chuck looked straight into her eyes, his lips pulled down. All the warmth still there, but it now churned with worry. “If he makes you happy then no. Look I’ve always said there are two types of love. One is like fire; it may keep you warm but only as long as you keep feeding it. If you go too long without putting another log in the relationship you’re left choking on nothing but smoke. The other type is like a blanket; it keeps you warm without asking for anything in return. You might leave it behind for a decade, but the second it’s back in your arms you feel safe, and cozy, and happy.” He slowly moved the paper he finished of to the side so that no barriers were between the two on the table. “So let me ask you, is this new guy a fire or a blanket?”

 

Kara didn’t have to think about it, Mon-El was fire, burning away everything in her life that didn’t benefit him. He had demanded everything she had, and never gave anything back in its place. But Lena was different. She cared so much for Kara it scared her. What if she let Lena down? A lifetime of experience had shown Kara she made a terrible girlfriend, even to the nicest people. Mon-El was the only one she’d held a grip on, and Kara wasn’t sure if that spoke worse of him or her. Maybe it was because it was so terrible that there had never been any pressure to be better with him. As long as she had existed solely for him she had been enough for what he had wanted. A painful truth.

 

“I think they’re a blanket … can you keep a secret, Chuck?” Kara would never understand humans’ obsession with a persons sexuallity, but as long as she had to live here she would have to live by their rules. Kara knew that not everyone would accept her for dating a woman. She also presumed that there was quite a bit of overlap between those that hated her for being an alien and those that would hate her for dating anyone without a y chromosome.

 

Chuck pulled in a gasp so fake his eyes started to water as he hastily coughed it back out. “As the only person to ever buy a copy of my book of poetry we have a sacred bond!” He raised his finger high into the air to make his point. “Honestly Abby, you know that I would never tell anyone something you wouldn’t want others to know. Well, assuming you haven’t broken the law, but you don’t seem the type.” With his voice back under control after his small fit of coughing he looked as composed as ever, as he took another page off the dwindling stack.

 

Kara did believe him, he loved to talk to people not about them. “So you see, um,” pink colored Kara’s cheeks, Chuck was about to become the first person to know outside of Alex and Maggie, and Kara was oddly nervous to tell him. “It’s not so much of a he, as a she.” Kara watched as Chuck’s face slowly built into a smile that threatened to extend past the ends of his face. With that smile any apprehension Kara had been holding within herself vanished. He might not know just yet that the ‘she’ is a Luthor, the real reason that Kara is afraid to tell anyone, but it was a start.

 

“I guess you’re more like my sister than I thought.” Whenever he talked about his sister his eyes stared off as if appraising a painting that only he could see. “She came out a few years before the cancer got her. It wasn’t a huge shock to the family. Abby and her best friend had both divorced their husbands within a few months of each other before moving into a place together so they could ‘save on rent’.” Chuck lost himself for a few seconds before turning back to Kara, his eyes refreshed and clear of the sting of loss. “So my first question, human or alien?”

 

He really did love to talk about people, Kara mused while grabbing another case file for herself. “She’s human. She’s also very smart, funny, brilliant - or is that the same as smart?” Kara rubbed her chin thinking of more adjectives that might dare to compare themselves to Lena. “She is also a bit dark, but in like a good way? More than anything else she is there for me, not as Supergirl, but as the real me.” Kara felt it in her bones, and pumping through her veins. Lena was something special, and Kara was holding on, hoping not to drop or crush whatever future lay ahead for them.

 

“Well if this one is a human how about we give her an Alien name, like, um, Gormadoor.” Chuck made a fist as he said the name, clearly it belonged to some long ago piece of fiction that he had enjoyed.

 

Kara’s brow crinkled, “Gormadoor? What language is that?”

 

Chuck only laughed. “Well sorry that I don’t know the ins and outs of alien names, I mean what do I know about aliens?” He used the file he had just finished to wave off the comment, the breeze threatening to blow away what they had already finished.

 

“Wait, wasn’t your ex-wife an alien?” Kara was almost sure he had said that, or maybe it had been his daughter’s ex-husband.

 

At that remark Chuck’s already dark skin reddened as he adjusted his collar. “Look, there’s a reason that she’s my ex-wife and not my current wife. Okay, so little miss alien, what would be a more accurate name?” She always liked the way that he thought of her heritage not as what defined her, but instead as just a weird bit of trivia, like if she had been born with a sixth toe.

“Vao… “ Kara hates herself the second it leaves her mouth. She doesn’t believe in curses but it still seemed like an ill omen to name a new girlfriend after one that you had already lost. She couldn’t help it, Lena’s raven locks and strong jaw line reminded her too much of her former fiance. Kara only hoped this passing fancy with nostalgia would recede back into her heart before it rotted too much of her foundation. “We should call her Vao, it’s Kryptonian in fact, so - you know - it’s more accurate I guess.” Kara runs out of steam before she can finish her thought. She couldn’t say what expression her face was showing, she could only hope that Chuck wouldn’t comment on it.

 

Slapping one last file on his pile, Chuck turned to Supergirl. “As much as I would love to get every last piece of information I can about this girl, I think that you should be on your way before you melt a hole in that clock. I can finish up what we have here, and if there is anything more we can finish it on your next visit, while you tell me all about this new girl.” He grabbed the file Kara was working on out of her hands and spins it around. With a small adjustment of his glasses he sets about finishing up the file.

 

It takes Kara a few seconds to grasp his gesture of kindness. With a shooing motion from Chuck, Kara was out her seat, and after a quick thanks to her partner, was flying out of the Precinct. Kara wavered against the biting cold air, or the closest thing she can feel to it. Like all things in her life it feels almost disconnected. She remembered what Eliza had told her, the only reason Kal and herself felt anything was thanks to their super senses. With skin as invulnerable as hers she shouldn’t be able to feel anything. Kara frequently wondered how different her heart was. Was it too strong to feel that weakening stab of passion? To tough to be crushed beneath unrequited love? Kara had never wanted a relationship to work as much as she wanted this new thing with Lena, and that was terrifying to her. If she couldn’t make this work, was that it for her? If she couldn’t find a way to let Lena inside the morose fortress that was her heart, would she ever be able to let anyone in?

 

With careful control Kara slowly started to make her way to Lena. Kara couldn’t tell if she was imagining the steady beat of Lena’s heart in her ears or if she was just that aware of this woman that entrenched herself behind her eyes at night.

 

*

 

Supergirl touched down behind the small and very out of the way coffee shop, but Kara Danvers made her way around to the front. As she entered she immediately noticed Lena sitting at their booth, tucked away in the back, just for them. As Kara approached, Lena only gave a wicked smile to show that she was aware of her. Yet somehow even with this not being the first time (and almost certainly not the last time) Kara had received this look, she still found her hands clammy and her heart rate spiking.

 

“Hello Lena,” her voice was soft. Not from fear of being overheard, but because no one else needed to hear her. Only the woman sitting in front of her needed her words and only she would get them. Lena’s perfect hair and slimming blouse made for a charming pair, and without implementing her x-ray vision Kara was willing to bet that Lena’s skirt was a work of art as well. Kara had continually chastised herself for being so blind before. How had she only thought of Lena as beautiful, and not ethereal? 

 

The more that Kara thought about Lena the deeper she sank into a chasm of want. Lena wasn’t just comfortable to be around, she was a balm on Kara’s heart, soothing years of mangled knots and throbbing sores. “Hello yourself.” The smile that graced Lena’s ruby lips brought back flashes of the time red kryptonite had subdued her inhibitions, reminding her of the raw desire festering just below the surface. “Please sit, dear. I got your message that you would be a little late, so I already ordered for you. I’ve also already taken care of the bill since I know you wouldn’t let me otherwise.”

 

Lena had taken to trying to pay for any food bill she could for Kara, saying that it was something akin to a tax. ‘If I get to donate to the fireman’s gala, I also get to donate to the Supergirl relief fund.’ Kara would have fought back harder, but at the dinner where Lena initiated the policy, it had cost about a month’s salary just for the rabbit food.

 

Kara took her customary seat next to Lena, not opposite her. They had found it made it easier to speak in hushed tones, about more sensitive topics. It also allowed Lena and Kara to sit closer than they had before, going from elbow to elbow to now thigh to thigh. With Kara finding herself flustered over the new contact she barely noticed Lena’s comment. “So, putting away another bad guy before coming out to play?”

 

“Not quite, I was helping my partner finish my paperwork.” Kara took note of the quirk in Lena’s brow and decided she needed to elaborate further. “You know how, like, half of my cousin's ‘arrests’ get thrown out because he isn’t real law enforcement? Well unlike him I have been working with the government for a while now. But that didn’t help with small time arrests; your muggers and purse snatchers. So thanks to my sister, I’m now an honorary deputy with the NCPD. I have my own partner and everything. His name is Chuck.” Kara loved the smile that grew on Lena’s face. That knowing smile Lena had started to use when Kara would do something in a smarter way than her cousin had. She wasn’t sure if Lena simply liked that Kara was more efficient, or if she took pleasure in seeing the man that had put her brother away get knocked down a peg. Kara didn’t care about the impetus as long as was able to keep seeing that smile.

 

“Wait,” Lena began as she held out her hand. “Wouldn’t you be an honorary officer? You work with the police, not the sheriff.” As Lena made the point she tapped Kara on her side, making a small burst of laughter escape her lips.

 

This made Kara wonder whether everyone had just been humoring her about being deputized. It was nice she guessed, but she couldn’t help but feel infantilized by it somewhat. They had even given her a star, like a sheriff. She wondered where had they even found it. “You may be right.” Kara briefly tried to glare at Lena before giving up on it. She would need to have a serious talk with Maggie later.

 

“Tell me about this Chuck. Should I be worried? First name basis with your partner, as you called him; that seems awfully intimate to me.” Kara found Lena’s hand now slowly snaking its way behind her back.

 

“Definitely not. First, he’s like seventy years old. Secondly, and more importantly, I think I already have a prospect for future relations sitting rather close to me right now.” Kara hoped her glowing smile would wash away any doubts that Lena might have. “He’s really sweet though, and he makes my hero resume look slim by comparison. He literally lost the use of his legs while saving a bunch of orphans from a burning building.” Kara had thought that Maggie was joking when she told Kara. Nope. After putting her reporter skills to good use, she found not only was the story true, but they had left out the part where going back to save a kitten was what did him in. And after all that he still chose to stay on with the force as a clerk rather than retire. A true hero if Kara ever knew one.

 

The wide eyed look of shock on Lena’s face matched Kara’s own when she first heard the tale. “There is no way that is true.”

 

“It is! One second,” Kara heard her phone go off but before she could answer the call it had already been disconnected. Alex calling her in the middle of the day normally ment Supergirl duties, but maybe this was a misdial. “Weird, I guess Alex either butt dialed or hit the wrong contact…”

 

Lena points toward the kitchen as the waitress made her way out with the food. “Well put your phone away. You don’t want to mistake it for food and inhale it with everything else.” Kara would have been offended by this, but honestly she wasn’t sure just how wrong it was. Not only had she once bitten a fork in half, she had actually chewed and swallowed it. As the food arrived, Lena seemed to have a question on the tip of her tongue. 

 

“So, have you come prepared with your one question today?” After their initial conversation, Lena had been very particular about asking Kara only one question about Krypton per meetup. Kara knew how much Lena looked forward to these, and she enjoyed telling her about her home as well, especially in these more snack-sized packets.

 

Kara noticed as Lena’s hand worked its way out from behind her, trailing lines along the grooves of her muscles, stopping to appreciate the strength that lay dormant in the sinews. “Tell me about something that was hard for you to adapt to, after coming here from abroad. Something a layman wouldn't guess.” Lena had taken to calling Krypton ‘abroad’. It made sense - even in secluded corners of tiny cafes, people had ears. There were also unscrupulous journalists that wrote for gossip rags, who had listening devices and would do anything for a scoop on the last Luthor standing.

 

Kara turned the question over in her head. There had been so many odd things to come to grips with. Kara still remembered the colors debacle of ‘05. But a clear frontrunner came to her, “Time.” Kara stopped there before taking a large bite out of the first of her three sandwiches. One more than her normal order, Kara smiled to herself. While her stomach might have been empty, her heart overflowed. With every gesture of Lena’s, Kara was filled by warm butterflies, but misgivings and trepidations fluttered not far behind. They were a briar patch, each thorn a microcosm of all the ways that Kara could end up splintered and alone again.

 

Lena waved her cutlery around, and spread a napkin on her lap. “Specifically what about time was so difficult? How little we understand of the underlying nature of our universe? Or maybe Krypton had some ingenious way of keeping time that would disrupt our very understanding of what it means to live in a universe where time is linear, despite the lack of any basis for it?” Kara loved how Lena yearned to consume all she could of her culture, but had the self control to ask only one question, although some did have hooks for other points.

 

“A for effort, but no. It’s more about how you have an instinctive knowledge for how long things last after living your whole life under one system. You can feel how long a second or a minute is. Well, a thrib and a second are not the same length of time, though they are close. Differences are greater as the units get larger, and of course we didn’t use anything like your silly system of sixty seconds to a minute and sixty minutes to an hour.” Kara still remembers trying to feel out units of time. It was something that she still had issues with on occasion. “And naturally, Earth’s day is a different length than days were when I was abroad. That was a very hard thing to get used to.”

 

Lena’s chewed the small bit of food she had placed in her mouth. Always the lady, Kara reflected. “I can certainly understand how that would have been a problem. Without an accurate tool for measuring one against the other you would be left only to feel out the difference between our two systems, which would be difficult. Even if you did know the exact change down to the millisecond that wouldn’t do much to allow a young girl to feel the difference on anything other than an intellectual level. Anything on a large scale would simply have to be to absorbed over years of exposure. An interesting point to consider for any colonies we might have in the future. That is of course even outside of any time dilating effects from higher density planets or ones that orbited more quickly.” Lena pressed the end of her knife against her lips while she contemplated contingencies for the problems.

 

“One point one eight and change is the difference.” During Kara’s early days on Earth she measured any change should could between her former home and her new one. She would memorize every little detail she could to help build a convincing mask. Whether it was easy things like the number of planets or harder like the name of every country or how many there are (something Kara learned most humans didn’t know) no piece of information was to menial or obscure. “I remember trying to sleep as a child, and the grandfather clock down the hall would always tick just too soon. It drove me crazy for a while, but like with everything else on Earth, I adapted.”

 

Kara was about to speak again when her DEO earbud came to life. It was only a small crack along the line but Kara was starting to get worried, and Lena seemed to notice. “Is there something wrong? Snakes to rescue from trees?” Her head tilted to the side, obviously not ecstatic about Kara leaving, but being supportive about its necessity.

 

“I’m not sure, my earpiece went off for only a second. That combined with the aborted call from Alex earlier has me worried.” Kara dipped and adjusted her head to try to get the best angle she could for her super hearing. Being at ground level limited her range, having to wade through the throng of noise instead of skimming over top it. After a few seconds Kara hadn’t heard anything that needed her attention, but she couldn’t hear Alex either. The DEO was too far away.

 

Kara lifted her head as she started on her second sandwich. “Do you want to call Alex? If she answers then you’ll know everything's alright.” It was sound logic Kara knew, but Alex had a bad habit of either not answering her phone at work or simply being unable to answer it. Either case would make Kara more worried, not less.

 

Kara pushed the food down before answering. “She probably won't answer and that would just make me more worried. I don’t hear any trouble so everything should be fine, she is a government super-spy after all.” Kara tried for her most fearless smile, but settled for one that was closer to hopefully optimistic.

 

Lena quickly tried to distract Kara before skepticism bred panic. “Would you happen to have anything that could show me the exact duration of a ‘thrib’? If you gave me that and the relationships between other units, I could make you a clock that read like the ones you had growing up.” Lena ran her hand up and down Kara’s arm, stopping to make small circles on the back of Kara’s hand with her thumb.

 

The idea of a Kryptonian clock exited Kara more than she might have expected. It wouldn’t be useful for anything on Earth, but the idea of having such a reminder of her home tickled at her heart. She could certainly find something in the Fortress of Solitude’s computer that could reproduce a thrib. “That would be awesome Lena! I’ll fly up the the Fortress later today if you really want to work on it. Not that I’m saying you have to do it right now. You know, whenever you have time.” Kara always worried that she would either sound too imposing or nonchalant about requests. Navigating social conventions was still one of the hardest parts of being forced into an alien culture.

 

Lena wiped her mouth with her napkin. “Kara dear, I would be happy to build it for you. Truthfully it would give me an excuse to spend time in the lab. It’s always been more fun for me than leading board meetings or balancing expense reports. As soon as you can retrieve the information I can start to make it.”

 

The sweet smile that Lena gave Kara was interrupted by an explosion large enough to reverberate through the cafe’s front window. Kara jumped up to cover Lena but after a few seconds it seemed that the glass had held strong. With a swift motion Kara was out of their booth. “I need to go.” Kara turned and left, not waiting for Lena’s agreement.

 

Supergirl soon found herself shooting high into the sky, contrails being birthed by her cape. To Kara’s horror the side of the DEO’s building was missing and smoke plumes were darkening the sky. Kara rocketed toward the scene, ears numb to noise, a weird side effect she had noticed happening whenever she broke the sound barrier. Her sudden stop created a popping sound as the air that sher passage had disrupted re-stabilized itself.

 

The first thing that Kara noticed was the heat, as much of the ground had been turned from asphalt to magma. That was followed quickly by the screams of civilians as they tried their best to escape the hell they now found themselves in. Sweeping her eyes across the six-lane downtown roads Kara noticed a figure, its red coloring familiar. It looked like someone had recreated the automaton Red Tornado. Even with a cursory glance Kara noticed the marked improvements over the previous model. It stood at least a foot taller, the plates of its new chassis reinforced, no longer keeping up the charade of a human appearance.

 

As Kara made her way down to the machine something caught her eye. An arm burned, soot covering her uniform, a tassel of red hair. A woman splayed upon a metal stretcher, the handle of a gun, its origins not of this world. The EMT choking on the toxic fumes diluting the air as she tries to pump against the redheads chest. And slowly terror begin to eat away at Kara, consuming all rational thought. Pulling her mind kicking and screaming down into a pit of darkness, but the more she struggled the firmer the grip it held over her became. That was Alex. Unconscious, not breathing, no pulse.

 

Kara’s hand tightened so quickly that the air inside combusted, a bright flash of light erupting from between her fingers. She felt her face twitch, and though she tried mightily to remain neutral, a scowl bloomed on her face. She bared her teeth as her nostrils flared. Then Kara heard a crack, one of Alex’s ribs snapping under the chest compressions. And she disappeared under a black tide. Everything that grounded Kara, everything that pulled her out of the pitch when she needed help was lying on a stretcher fifty feet away, heart refusing to beat. If Alex wasn’t going to fight to live, then why should Kara fight the rage and hate fueled by that great pyre in her heart? Its light the charred remains of tens of billions of dead Kryptonians, and what seemed to soon be a dead sister.

 

So Kara let it all fall away.

 

Shahrrehth, Hope

 

Jahghah, Restraint

 

Tahrao, Justice

 

Only one word remained, branded across her being. 

 

Chai, Kill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty close to once again having a buffer for my campaign but the next chapter may also be a little late, but don't worry I'm already working on the next chapter.


	5. suzh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, want to start by saying sorry for the wait. I was sick for nearly a week and couldn't string two words together in a coherent enough fashion to write anything.
> 
> Also want to again give thanks to Earthling3 for helping with edits.

The android turned to Kara as she touched down, her eyes still trained on Alex as her body was rushed into an ambulance. “You two thought you had killed me. I guess I can’t say you didn’t. What you see before you is little more than a simulacrum of my former self. You may wonder why I-” Kara suddenly appeared across nearly seventy feet of park to wrap her fingers around its throat. “I’m sorry that no longer works on me. This new automaton, Red Volcano, is far grander than its younger brother.” The metal of its neck didn’t budge, granting Kara no satisfaction. Her stomach still boiled as bile splashed against the back of her tongue.

Tendrils of magma snaked around Supergirl’s legs. Her single-minded dedication to squeeze the life out of this new machine had blinded her until it was too late. A sudden jerk backwards was all the notice Kara was given before she was raised into the sky, entombed in molten rock. Darkness surrounded her, bringing back old memories of her time in her pod. The death of Krypton playing out behind her. 

 

The heat bit through her suit and against her skin, making her movement labored. Kara’s wild thrashing did little to help remove her from her confinement, as the magma conformed with her every move.

 

So Kara let her anger, born of another relative not long for this world, bleed out of her. The Kryptonian’s body wasn’t made with these powers in mind. Their function had been mapped over other processes. Flight came from a desire for freedom; whether it was hopeful or fearful made little difference. Her X-ray vision was joined to her curiosity, a desire to see what was hidden from her. Her heat vision was tied to rage and pain, pure and glorious. Kara had often wondered how Kal first learned of his heat vision, it was hard to ever imagine him angry enough to summon it. While using the power didn’t require the emotion, the emotion could bring out the ability if she wasn’t careful.

 

Kara’s rage now, though, was untempered and wild. The normally concentrated beam was broad and erratic. It set fire to everything it touched, painting a long yard-wide arc of havoc. Kara screamed out her anguish as tears stained her cheeks. The beam glanced off of the robot, to unfocused, and poorly placed. Her vision was at first was obscured by stone, but as the stone burned away and the unfocused rays spread. What the beam had gained in size it lost in potency. “Is that really all you have? I can't believe you once broke me.” It spat out these words as Kara hung in the air still wrapped in the magma of the world she had sworn to protect.

 

Bitter hate filled her chest as she exhaled arctic winds onto the molten rock that held her, causing them both to come crashing to the ground. The shattered bits of rock lodged themselves into nearby objects and patches of earth. Supergirl rushed the machine again, slamming both hands down on its head. The crack of thunder let out by the blow was unrivaled even by Zeus himself. But Kara continued hit it, again, and again, and again. Red Volcano dropped to its knee as the street below cratered, the asphalt crumbled and gave way to the dirt and stone beneath. Kara felt her knuckles shred against the andriod’s frame, as her blood coated the inside of her sleeves.

 

But Kara didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. No matter how hard she struck, or how many times, she couldn’t fill the void in her heart. So she had to keep going. Eventually she would feel a sense of relief, eventually that catharsis she so desperately needed would come. So she kept on, through the sirens and screams. Through the pain that rattled in her hands and heart, she keep going. Kara let out her rage on this thing as she pushed down all other thought. It didn’t matter who would make that mournful call to Maggie or to Eliza. As long as she was here hopelessly failing in her attempt to kill the machine she and Alex had already put down once before. But the more she attacked the less effective the blows were. Some still landed, but more were blocked or parried.

 

Red Volcano’s molten might was great, but it also packed a strong right hook. Kara’s chest was already covered with bruises, she could feel them. Red’s eyes glowed and before Kara could piece together its meaning a chunk of street as big as a bus slammed into her side. She bit her tongue as she sailed into the lobby of what looked to be a bank. She stumbled as she stood, spitting out a mouthful of blood on the broken tile. All eyes in the room were on her, and she hated it. Why must they bear witness to her revenge? Why do they think they have the right to judge her on this personal matter? “Why haven’t any of you run to safety?! Go before it kills you!” Supergirl yells with blood stained teeth, her rage brought forward for all to see.

 

Some did run, as Kara crawled over the rubble that had been the bank's door. She scanned the ruins of the park, noticing that Red Volcano hadn’t followed her, instead choosing to make more of the area into a hellscape of brimstone and fire. Kara tries her heat vision again, this time expending the bare minimum energy she felt necessary to stymie the fervor boiling out of her. Concentrated rays shot forward and marred the android’s face and chest, but did little in the way of actual damage. Kara could hear as Red Volcano laughed at her attempts, it mocked her the way that it must have mocked Alex before killi- hurting her. Kara breathed slowly, in and out.

 

In her next attack, Kara used the force of her speed to strike Red Volcano. Something Kal had tried to explain to a child with a greater understanding of physics than Earth’s most talented scientists. While the machine’s face did little to emote, she was fairly certain she caught it off guard. Kara took satisfaction as its chassis wrapped around her fist in the milliseconds between her hit and the machine rocketing a few dozen city blocks into a condemned factory, its body now twisted in a gnarled briar of metal tubing and broken equipment.

 

Before it could start to untangle itself Supergirl was there with a kick, her smile savage as Red took nearly half the building with him as he once again soared over National City. Now Kara felt it, that pleasure of letting all the anger she held so tightly within manifest itself in the violent destruction of her foe.

 

“Supergirl come in. Supergirl can you hear me!” Kara flinched away as Winn’s panicky voice roared in her earpiece, with heavy machinery at work in the background.

 

Kara didn’t want to answer back. What would he tell her? That her sister was dead, that she should have done more? What about J’onn, what about the rest of the DEO, how many people died while she sat having a nice lunch with a pretty girl? Every few seconds Winn would try again, trying desperately to fix whatever problem was keeping Kara from answering back. With a glare to where Red Volcano lie, she built herself up to bite the bullet.

 

“I hear you Winn, what is the situation at the DEO?” Kara could only plead to Rao that Alex wouldn’t come up, all that kept her from going full Doomsday was the hope that Alex would somehow make it out of this.

 

After a few seconds of static Winn replied. “Bad, yeah, very bad. Both J’onn and M’gann were near the initial heat source before the explosion. The fire weakened them both, so now they’re unconscious. We have a few dead so far, but for the size of the blast the agents tell me we got lucky.” A few dead, Winn would never speak so casually of Alex. Maybe the worst hadn’t befallen what little family she had left. “Ok Kara, I’m going to need you to calm down for a second while I tell you this. Alex is critical- but alive, very alive, and the doctors here say she is likely to stay that way so I need you to get that robot out of the city so you don’t end up sinking the hospital we’re at into a pool of lava.”

 

The news does little to soothe the typhoon raging inside her. The dark black pit she feels herself sinking into has yet to loosen its grasp. She never had this problem back on Krypton, she was trained better, they all were. Too many years living among these humans. Trying to capture a way of life that wouldn’t remind her so much of the people she will never see again. But Kara could still see Red Volcano, nearly four miles away at the moment but quickly making his way back to her.

 

To the west was the ocean. Kara decided its waters might be helpful in putting out the robot’s fires, but Midvale stood in the way. The forests to the north were obviously a bad idea, and the rolling hills to the south wouldn’t be ideal either. That left the desert to the east. Could it control sand? Kara breached what remained of the roof as she soared to the angle she needed to maneuver the android in the right direction. Kara landed, and braced herself against the ground in a runner's stance. She felt the invisible force that let her fly build up behind her. It settled into her feet coiling like a spring, tighter and tighter. After a quick scan for humans Kara knew she was clear. So she let go, the force of her launch causing every building on her block to crumble like grains of sand in the wind. The ground beneath her feet bunched like a carpet before snapping in half. The signposts glowed red hot until they melted and poured down to where the ground had once been.

 

In the instant between Kara taking off and her shoulder slamming into Red Volcano, she lived in a world frozen in time. Birds hung in the sky like puppets on wires, leaves smattered the air as droplets of paint on a canvas, and the world was silent. Her ears rang as they desperately tried to cling to any bit of noise but she knew what they did not, she was through the looking glass. Pale blue and haunting, silent with intention. When Kara reached the robot it had no idea she was even near. Its body warped around her frame, bending easily, and he was gone. Launched too far and too fast to the east for even Kara’s eyes to keep up.

 

Kara could do the math though, she already knew how much it weighed from her failed attempt at throttling it. She could also guestimate her own force, given the destruction of the buildings in her launch area and the speed she was fairly sure she reached when she struck. So Kara gave chase, and within a few minutes she came upon Red Volcano, its own thrusters having failed to substantially slow its flight. The severe ache in her side took her mind off the wrenching in her heart. She was quickly realizing that she had been overzealous. She had already burned too much of her heat vision and the speed she had flown at for her attacks had left her running closer to empty than she would have suspected. She needed to end this, now.

 

Another fritz of sound made its way into her ear, presumably whatever method Winn had used to connect them before was no longer working. As Kara finally found herself close enough for another strike against the monster, her nails bit into her palm. Pain was the only way to keep her focused on stopping Red Volcano and not just torturing it. Its body was too tough for that, and if she wasn’t careful she would lose their war of attrition. Kara noticed the indentation from her shoulder, she had caved its sternum in almost four inches. She also noticed that the wound wasn’t a perfect match for her own shoulder, near the top was a curious square protrusion, where the metal of its chest deformed against something inside itself. That would be her target. Hopefully it was something important.

 

Once Kara flew directly above it, she rocketed downward, the feel of its body against her boots raising a smirk on her face. Red Volcano plummeted through the air, over twenty thousand feet into the harsh Nevadan desert, kicking up a cloud of dust that blocked out the sun for miles around. The robot’s pale red glow moved within the darkness. It writhed and contorted, as the metal of its body scraping along itself. The sounds played as a chorus of nightmares to Kara. “You- You- You- think that will- will stop me? I built this prison that now contains my genius, to kill- kill you Kara Zor-El.” Its voice skipped and started playing over itself in parts, but the laughter that followed was perfect, deep and tortured.

 

He knew who she was, and not just her Earth name. It had to be CADMUS, another head of Lillian’s hydra. It attacked from every angle, Lillian’s poison dripping from its maw, corrupting all it touched. Except Lena. Lena had stood against her mother. She may have come out the other side a bit scarred and a little broken, but could Kara claim any different? Two china dolls, each beautiful from a distance, but up close you could see the web of cracks that line every inch.

 

As the android put itself back together Kara knew this was her last shot. She had enough energy for one blast of heat vision left in her, and she needed to make it count. Her kick had revealed more of whatever was housed at the top of its chest, and it appeared this terrible creation could use whatever raw materials were handy to repair itself. So Kara thought of Alex, burned and gasping for life. She thought of J’onn, shredded by shrapnel as smoke lined the sky above the DEO. She thought of Lena. Of seeing her again, of holding Lena in her arms as they cried over decade-old wounds that had yet to scar over. Of having someone to wrap around herself on cold nights and lazy weekends, and how as long as things like Red Volcano have power they will seek to rip that someone away from her.

 

Kara thought these things and her eyes glowed, from white to red to blue. Energy pure and powerful erupted out of Kara. She thinks she screamed, but maybe she cried. Maybe she didn’t do either, too frozen by the pain. She ruptured the robot’s chest. Its laugh stopped as it was encased in a twisted chrysalis of glass. That was the last thing Kara remembered before collapsing, how the glass reminded her of home. It was beautiful, or maybe a word from home would better match the ache in her heart, dhoia.

 

*

 

As she gradually regained consciousness, the first thing Kara became aware of was the glow of the sunlamps, pleasant if a bit warm. The second thing Kara noticed was how sore and heavy her arms felt. Too heavy. She must have blown out her powers. She couldn’t open her eyes yet, still adjusting to each new sensation. Unlike her other senses, which were sharpened by Earth’s yellow sun, her sense of touch was dulled, all but the fiercest blows being little more than feathers dancing on her skin. She missed it, being able to feel like she did back on Krypton. To be able to touch something and feel the give of her fingers, or to wrap her arms around a loved one as their gentle embrace wrapped back around her.

 

“Kara dear, are you awake?” Before Kara can answer, Lena’s fingers lace into her own. Her mind reels, a combination of a pounding headache and sensory overload. Kara moans in pain as she jerks up, Lena pulled her hand away as fast as any human could. “I’m so sorry! I never meant to hurt you. I can go…” Lena trailed off as Kara heard the sound of metal against stone, and rapid footsteps.

 

“Wait-” Kara’s voice clawed its way out of her mouth. Her eyes finally open, and she saw her outstretched arm, barely obscured by her hospital gown. It was covered in bruises, thick blots of brown and green in nauseating patterns down her arm. The red lines of fresh and raw scars covered her hand where the bandages stopped, ones that should be gone once her powers graced Kara with their return. Lena stalled before turning back, she filled a cup with water and brought it to Kara’s lips. There was an awkward moment as Lena spilled a bit down Kara’s chin, but Kara neither noticed nor cared. The water lined her throat like a gift from Rao, bring peace to her war-torn region.

 

“Thanks, I needed that.” Kara gasped, she had forgotten she no longer had the lungs of a Super. Lena wiped her thumb along Kara’s chin to clear away the few drops that clung there. “Sorry for jumping like that at your touch, I’m a lot more sensitive when I’m de-powered.” She made an effort not to use the term human. She hadn’t been made human, but reverted back to her normal self under Rao’s light. Kal may find it painful or frightening to not have his powers but Kara found an odd comfort in it, at least after she was able to adjust back to it.

 

Lena stared at Kara, silently assembling something in her head. She chewed her lip as her eyes roamed, and for the first time Kara couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. It didn’t help that she could no longer hear Lena’s heartbeat, or see the movements of individual muscles on her face. Worse still was that whatever painkillers they had her on were not strong enough, despite how much they clouded her mind. “Wait, where are we Lena? This isn’t the DEO.” The strong steel plating along the walls seemed familiar, but she couldn’t stumble her way out of the fog in her mind to piece it together.

 

Lena took a careful seat by Kara on the bed, she made sure to leave plenty of room in case Kara still needed space. “From what Winn told me, this is the old DEO base, the military bunker they used over a year ago. With a giant hole in the current building, they couldn’t go back there, and this was already in the middle of renovations to serve as a secondary site.” Whatever had been bothering Lena’s lip was pushed aside with a tone like a bored tour guide. She gave a smile after speaking, but Kara realized she would have to dig for answers.

 

“Are Alex and J’onn alright? Winn told me they were both unconscious earlier.” Kara took Lena’s hands into her own. They were soft in a way she couldn’t describe, and warm like the sunlamps. But the thing Kara noticed most was the way Lena’s hand trembled in her own.

 

“Alex has been in and out of surgery over the last week. The worst is over but she will likely still be unconscious for a few more days.”

 

“Week!” Kara shouted, and Lena shied away again. She was afraid. ‘She is afraid of Supergirl, of me.’ The words burned at Kara as she gave a silent prayer to Rao to have this not be the case. ‘Let her be afraid of anything else and I will protect her, but not me. Not my power, not this power that I never asked for.’

 

Lena only nodded at first, taking a few seconds to find her voice. “Correct, you’ve been out for over a week yourself. Red Volcano, the machine you fought, the minerals it manipulated became modified. He was embedding it with kryptonite. It’s lucky you blew out your powers, otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to use a dialysis machine to get it out of your blood. The effect of all that kryptonite in your system is still unknown. In fact, we don’t even know when you’ll get your powers back. J’onn told me that a shock to your system could kick them back into gear, but we needed you to wake up before we could start any tests.”

 

Lena slowly rubbed the back of Kara’s hands, but she didn’t move any closer. The idea of never getting her powers back twirled in the back of Kara’s head. When she first came to Earth she had wished for it. To have her own body back. Had the universe not taken enough from her? Did it really need to take away even the way in which she interacted with it? She was an alien refugee, with alien sensations plaguing her body. She couldn’t even grieve without leveling a tree; couldn’t cry without lighting the house on fire. She couldn’t even sleep without finding herself adrift in the sky.

 

“Lena, would you prefer it if I never got my powers back?” If Lena truly had an issue it would be better if they hashed it out now. She had known many humans over the years who had liked Superman, but who still trembled when faced with his power. The idea of a god protecting your city sounds great until collateral damage from some super-battle has a skyscraper toppling down on Main Street. Lena’s hands gripped Kara’s firmly. It almost hurt, providing a sweet reminder of her current condition.

 

Lena finally removed one of her hands and gently placed it on Kara’s cheek. “No, Kara. I love you. Whether you’re human or Kryptonian, and regardless of whether you have powers or not. But, I think I get why you might ask that. I am afraid. Afraid that I might lose you. Afraid that one of these days you’ll go out there and never come back. I’ve never seen you so … so mortal. I’ve seen videos of you being shot, stabbed, punched and kicked, exploded and even slimed once. I’ve seen you stand against almost every foe, only faltering against the most powerful. But I’ve never seen you take a beating that you couldn’t get back up from, and that terrifies me.” The tears that had run down Lena’s cheeks were soon matched by Kara’s. They both understood just how close she had come to dying in the fight against Red Volcano. While some of that was due to Kara having been blinded by rage, much of it was also due to the strength of her opponent.

 

“I was scared and angry and stupid while I was fighting it. I watched as they took Alex away and everything just became too much. After losing so many people, I’m not sure if I could lose her too.” Kara lowered her head against Lena’s shoulder. The warmth she felt there was the only thing she was aware of.

 

Kara felt Lena nod her head slowly, and she reveled in the sensation of each hair that washed against her. “I know Kara. I was also scared while I watched your fight on the news. After you took off toward Nevada, no one knew what was happening. I was relieved at first when Winn called, but then he asked for a helicopter so they could retrieve your body. I nearly vomited at the idea of you dying. Many of us feared you might die with that much kryptonite poisoning your system, and your powers gone.” Lena stopped to collect herself. Kara could see how badly damaged her body was now. She could only imagine what it looked like when she first came in.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I guess the good news is that the DEO trusts you enough to let you into this super secret base.” Kara tipped up Lena’s chin and tried for her best million-watt smile. But she could tell she may have been a few bulbs short. Firstly because she never knew smiling could hurt this much, but mainly on account of the laugh that Lena broke into. “You know you shouldn’t laugh at your girlfriend when she is in a hospital bed.” Kara gave a laugh back, but stopped when she noticed she was the only one laughing now.

 

“Are we girlfriends now?” Lena voice was small but the that smile tickled at her lips could be spotted from across the room.

 

While she hadn’t meant to push them down this path so soon, Kara knew she wanted this more than almost anything in the world. She may have liked James, and she may have felt an obligation to Mon-El, but she loved Lena. The kind of love that seeps into your bones, the kind of love whose light even outshines Rao himself. Kara had made and will continue to make many dumb decisions over her life. Loving Lena, no matter how things turned out, would never be one of them. “Well, I may be only half awake, and sore in places I didn’t even know existed, but that is something I can say with absolute certainty. You’re my girlfriend now, and I can’t wait to tell everyone.” Kara breath hitched, as the person she wanted to tell more than anyone was probably somewhere in this complex, just as bruised and broken as she was. And without alien genes to help out.

 

“Well you can tell J’onn, that man scares me. He did this weird thing after he woke up. He sat me down in one of the interrogation cells and just stared at me, for nearly half an hour. He just sat there, his eyes bright red and boring into me. It was quite unsettling. I assume he found whatever bit of knowledge he needed, because afterward he escorted me to your room, and he has been lovely and pleasant ever since.” As Lena told her story she trained her eyes on Kara, doing her best imitation.

 

Kara had heard stories about that. After J’onn was revealed as a Martian it had become standard procedure for new recruits. “You had a bunch of random and shuffled thoughts, right?” Lena gave a curt nod. “That’s kinda like J’onn’s version of a psychic Rorschach test. He feeds your brain stimuli and sees how it responds. He never senses any direct thoughts, but he does get an unobstructed read on how people really feel. Like if he makes you think of Supergirl, he could tell not just if you’re afraid, but why. Are you scared that I’m going to take over the world? Or are you afraid that I might be in trouble and need help? That kind of thing.”

 

This seemed to bother Lena. “Even if he doesn’t know the exact details of what I’m thinking, it still seems like a rather large breach of privacy. How’s a girl supposed to keep up a proper front if one can sneak through this mental doggy door. Tell me, what was his evaluation of you?” The way Lena’s eyebrow raised at the question told Kara that Lena wasn’t really all that interested in what J’onn thought of her, especially when Lena’s lip hooked under her teeth.

 

Kara quickly found that she was far to out of it to have any defense, not even against Lena’s most passive game. She found this out from a quick nudge in her very sore ribs, after she had spent an untold amount of time staring back at Lena. A Lena that now had rose tinted cheeks to match her lips. “Krypton fact of the day!” Kara stuck her finger up into the air, a move that her body fiercely disagreed with. “Ouch … So the people of Krypton are in fact immune to having their minds read. During our war with Daxam, both sides had built machines to read the minds of their enemies. Actually, Krypton built a machine, and the Daxamites built a far larger and more crude machine based on stolen specs. But because they could also use it to gain information from our spies, we added a few new lines of code to the Gavrrigehd, and all children born afterwards were immune to having their minds read. We eventually discovered that some extremely powerful telepaths can still do it, but it is very rare to find one so powerful.”

 

Lena’s eyes had a look that she tried her best to clamp down on. One that read, let me dissect you and see what makes you tick. Kara both loved and hated that look. It spoke to the intensity of Lena’s desire to learn, a trait that was strongly encouraged back on Krypton. It did pain Kara that she would never be able to explain to Lena just how much her people had to learn, not that biology was her field of expertise. “So, even now you have a few tricks up your sleeve.” Lena flipped the edge of the sleeve on Kara’s gown, its material thin and a bit itchy.

 

“You know us space invaders, full of surprises. We really just have whatever the plot demands, if movies are to be believed.” Kara moved to try and get her arm around Lena but found that her arm was still far too painful for her to put that much pressure on it. She settled for a quick kiss on the cheek.

 

Lena’s smile at that act was soon replaced by her sticking out her tongue in protest of losing out on delivering the first kiss in their newly minted relationship. “You have to have an odd weakness though. Like water in Signs, even though there’s plenty of water vapor in the air and Earth’s surface is seventy-one percent water. Or maybe shiny green pebbles. That seems like an odd weakness. What do you think?” Once again Lena’s cocked her brow, and Kara felt like the blood all drained from her head. Where it went she had no idea.

 

“Sure, sure. Power of a god, unless in the presence of shiny green rocks. Also red lights.” Kara pointed back at Lena expecting her to agree but instead she was greeted with a confused look.

 

“What do you mean by red lights? I’ve never heard about that. Does it have something to do with Rao? That was the name of Krypton’s star, right?” Hearing the name Rao coming from her brand new girlfriend’s lips did more to soothe her bruised and battered body than the sunlamps ever would.

 

Kara brought her finger up to tap the side of her nose. “Yes. I gain my powers from the radiation of a yellow sun like Sol. If I am exposed to a red sun’s radiation, my powers fade, and I’m reduced to normal Kryptonian strength. It happens pretty quickly over just a few minutes. I wish they would use that in my training room instead of the artificial kryptonite. It makes me feel queasy if I stay in there too long.” Kara rubs her stomach for effect.

 

“Why don’t they then?” Lena places her hand atop the one on Kara stomach, pouting in a show of camaraderie.

 

“They don’t because red sun radiation makes me basically fully human as far as my defenses go. I bruise and heal at a rate comparable to you. On the other hand the low level kryptonite radiation they do use mainly just gets rid of my strength and toughness. But I still heal at an accelerated rate, so I can take a beating from Alex, and turn around and save the day without having to spend a few hours under sunlamps. The effects of red sun radiation also take a bit longer to wear off, a few minutes instead of a few seconds.” Kara could see the gears turning in Lena’s head. Her eyes focused on some point in the distance as her mind processed this new information.

 

Kara poked at Lena’s side. “Did I give you an idea, beautiful?”

 

Lena starts to swat away the offending finger before turning back to Kara. “You have given me several ideas. I also love the pet name, but maybe let's have them be shorter than my real name. Well, the name everyone calls me anyway.”

 

This sparked a gasp in Kara. “Wait Lena isn’t your real name? Is it time for Earth facts hosted by the lovely Lena Luthor? Or the lovely Blank Luthor, I suppose.”

 

Lena for her part simply gives a small sigh. “Yes, Lena isn’t my real name. Just like Lex isn’t my brother’s real name. His name is Alexander, while mine is Helena. Because of the Luthor obsession with alliteration, our names are commonly shortened to Lex and Lena.”

 

Kara knows that her smile this time is at full brightness, she can feel it in her cheeks. She can also see it in the smile she receives back from Lena, or Helena. “Which do you prefer?”

 

“Honestly it’s been so many years since anyone has called me Helena that I don’t really feel a connection to it. Just another thing taken by the Luthors, I guess.” Lena’s smile was bitter, pained by two decades of torment and ridicule from a mother that didn’t deserve her. So Kara does the only thing she can think of to cheer her up.

 

Their first proper kiss didn’t have the hunger of a fireworks romance, nor was it the tentative questioning of two friends working out their feelings. But it was a deeply passionate kiss nonetheless, between twin souls scorched by the hell-like gauntlet they have had to endure, and from which they have finally found a reprieve. They are each other's shelter and shield against two worlds that do not deserve either of them. Their hands roamed and pulled for any purchase they could find. It was messy, and uncoordinated, and perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone unsure Dhoia means beautiful, though only in relation to objects not people.


	6. kizh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long to make. I had a lot of difficulty writing this chapter not liking most of what I wrote. I must have thrown out over 4k words, either it was to dry or it devolved into nonsense tangents. Anyway, I'm happy to say that I finally made something I didn't hate and with editing help from Earthling3 I now present to you, a new chapter.

It had been over a week since Kara regained consciousness in the DEO without any of her powers. J’onn’s assurance that all the kryptonite had been removed from her system hadn’t made the wait for their return any more tolerable. Kara hated the bitter taste boiling out of her stomach as she watched J’onn save people with Supergirl’s face, her face. She felt helpless, a sensation amplified by her mandatory physical therapy. 

 

To compound her stress, Alex had yet to stir from her coma. The DEO’s doctors had assured Kara that Alex would be back on her feet any day now, three days prior. With each passing day the tide of dread washed higher on Kara’s shore. She worried that Alex would spend the rest of her life in that bed. How long could Maggie and Kara keep up daily visits? At what point would they stop entirely? Alex had always told Kara that she didn’t want to live on life support, and if it ever got to the point of brain damage to pull the plug. It was a promise Kara had made years before she knew how dangerous Alex’s job was. And while Kara had no ethical issue with euthanasia, the possibility of committing the act herself was harrowing.

 

Kara paced the length of her apartment, and her eyes wandered to the clock on her microwave. Not even ten minutes until Lena was to pick her up. It was their first date as a couple, and Kara’s nerves about Alex only compounded her apprehension about the date. She had tried to ply Lena for information about what they would be doing, or where they would be going for their date, but to no avail. Lena had taken to playing coy with the details. The only clue she offered was to tell Kara to wear something she wouldn’t mind walking in.

 

The tip had been an unwelcome reminder that without her powers most shoes were extremely uncomfortable, especially for long periods of time. Lena’s ability to wear heels for hours on end was nearly as impressive as being able to fly in Kara’s mind. Now with four minutes to spare Kara made her trip downstairs. Each flight of stairs in her apartment complex proved a trial for her in her freshly depowered state, even wearing her most comfortable shoes. How any of her friends made it up to her place without collapsing was a marvel.

 

As Kara peeked into the afternoon sun, a short limousine pulled up to the sidewalk outside her building. An older gentleman stepped out. He was wearing a suit as black as the car, his hair surely had as much oil in it as well. He wore mirrored sunglasses that obscured his eyes. The driver gave a quick glance in Kara’s direction before calling her over with a stern nod of his head. Once she was close to the car he opened the back door, but only enough to reveal Lena. She was beautiful, her hair loose, rolling over her cheek and neck like pitch on a canvas. Her lips matched the rich and somber red of her jacket, its shade calming Kara, as if Rao had blessed this day.

 

Kara had to squeeze into the back seat, as Lena had deviously left a large gulf on her side opposite Kara. Not that Kara found herself complaining; her renewed sense of touch made even a light brush exciting, while full contact was exhilarating. “Rao, has anyone told you how beautiful you look today?” Kara placed her hand atop Lena’s.

 

The smile Lena gave was tentative before it relaxed into a show of comfort. Kara wondered how many had tried to bait her with similiar lines, and how many of those managed to reel her in before she constructed her guard. “Not enough, and definitely not from anyone so pretty. But the more important question is did you attend therapy earlier?”

 

They both knew this to be a sore subject for Kara. Either her powers would come back or they wouldn’t, and while that would make the therapy worthwhile it also would mean the end of her Supergirl career. It would leave her decades short of her cousin’s tenure. “Yeah. Though I think I may have spent more time at Alex’s bed than in the gym. Can you believe that Winn can beat me in an arm wrestling competition now?” That had been a large blow to her pride. She could accept losing to James, he was six feet of solid muscle. But Winn has trouble moving large keyboards.

 

“Your body was practically infused with kryptonite. Large swathes of your circulatory system were on the verge of ripping themselves apart with every beat of your heart. Honestly, if it were up to me you would still be in bed, but if you must be on your feet then I will at least keep an eye on you.” Kara turned her head to watch cars drive past through the tinted windows. She may care for Lena, but not for this line of conversation.

 

Lena picked up Kara’s hesitance and changed the subject. She pressed the button to ensure that the privacy window was fully sealed. “You know, Lex invented a special type of privacy screen. It not only muffles sound to the driver, but when it’s closed, and the windows are all locked in place, the passenger compartment becomes completely soundproof. Not even Superman could hear someone inside, Lex checked. He had it installed in all of his limos.” Kara had found that Lena only spoke kindly of Lex when they were alone. Love, whether romantic or familial, was a hard thing to sever, even if you knew you should. Kara would often compartmentalize the different aspects of the person she loved from the villain they became when she thought of her aunt, or even her own parents and their involvement with the medusa virus.

 

Lena continued, “Speaking of Alex, how is she doing? Has there been any change in her condition?” Lena’s voice was soft, delicate, skirting around the painful idea they both held about Alex’s future.

 

“She, well, she’s still unconscious. According to the doctors she should have woken up already, but nothing yet. Honestly Lena I’m scared, I just feel so helpless here on Earth. Back on Krypton her injuries would have been easily fixed. She would already be up and yelling at me for being reckless during my fight with Red Volcano.” Kara could still feel where her ribs had been broken, and her knuckles still throbbed, red and swollen. “Instead all I can do is wait for things to change. I ended up praying this morning, for the first time in years. It’s in Rao’s hands now.”

 

“So,” Lena began, hesitance clinging to every word. “Were the people of Krypton particularly religious? Rao was not only your planet’s star but also the name of your god, correct? I had always just assumed it to be a remnant from an earlier period in the evolution of your language, similar to the way that many English speakers say ‘oh god,’ even if they themselves are not believers.”

 

“Yes and no.” Kara had tried to explain this idea to Kal with middling results, but had hope that Lena would understand it better. “Kryptonians don’t view religion in the same way as humans. Um, okay, let me answer your question with a question first. Have you heard of the study that found that a person who is allowed to swear can withstand more pain than a person not allowed to swear?”

 

“Of course. It was published in Neuroreport, if I’m not mistaken, why?” As Lena answered the question her eyes had begun to sharpen, and the gears started to turn in her head. Kara loved how preceptive Lena was.

 

“Well,” Kara adjusted her glasses, “We use religion in a similar capacity. The Girod is a religion we practice, but that we don’t believe in. We realized that sometimes through chance things can turn out poorly. In those cases it can be emotionally cleansing to have a target for your anger. Also, like with Alex, having something to give you hope can help you to avoid fixating on the problem.” The Girod, like all parts of a Kryptonians life, had been carefully crafted over generations to maximize the efficiency of her people.

 

Lena ran her fingers through her loose hair, curling it around a finger as she worked this bit of knowledge over. “So you used a devotion as a cultural placebo? The universe can be chaotic, and to have an emotional crutch for when reason can do nothing to salvage a situation makes an odd sort of sense.”

 

“Happy you agree.” Kara gave Lena a big smile, happy that at least one person on Earth understood her people’s reasoning. “The Girod wasn’t only a framework for our religious practices. We interwove it with our laws and cultural ceremony, all things you need for a unified society.” Kal’s insistence in his belief in a human god had always baffled her. She had tried to explain to him, on many occasions, that he couldn’t believe in it literally as he was an alien. And if he was only looking for a moral compass, the one that her people had built from the ground up to be just that would serve him better. Not that he ever listened to her.

 

Kara could tell that even if Lena understood it, she still found this peculiar. Alex had as well when she had tried to explain it. Lena pulled a small pad of paper out of her purse and jotted down a few notes before returning it to her purse. “So it’s a self-help doctrine with some lore attached? That is definitely something that I will have to use.”

 

Kara’s frown was evident. Rao may not truly be a god, but the culture built around it was a large part of her life growing up. “I’m sure you didn’t intend any malice, but I would appreciate it if you don’t speak poorly of Rao. When I landed on Earth, practicing the Girod was one of the few things that kept me sane. So however you plan to use this information, I only ask that you do so respectfully.” Lena had made no secret that while her years away at boarding school had been some of the best of her life, it had little to do with the religion being taught there. 

 

Lena slowly turned, taking both of Kara’s hands into her own. “I’m sorry. You’re right that I didn’t intend offense. But this does shine a light on why the destination for our date is so important. Humans, myself included, know so little about the aliens living among us. That ignorance only leads to people lashing out at those that they see as different. So I decided to build a museum to help educate the masses. Now, a modicum of data still needs to be collected before it may be opened to the public. A private tour, on the other hand, especially for our city’s savior, a former resident of a distant star herself, may help to discover any errors or misrepresentations in the exhibits.” Lena’s smile was hopeful. She released Kara’s hands, and tentatively placed one of hers high on Kara’s thigh, drumming in anticipation of showing Kara her project.

 

The car ride over was short, and what little of it was left with was filled with Lena telling Kara about a misogynist in her 3-D printing R&D department. He apparently couldn’t wrap his brain around the idea of Lena understanding his work and continued to explain it to her, slowly. Kara, for her part, finally opened up about the day's physical therapy. Although Kara understood the necessity of it, the fact that she had been raised on a world where even severed limbs could be regrown made the process feel excessive. Kara found Earth’s priorities misplaced, given how little medical research seemed to be valued.

 

They didn’t enter through the front parking lot, making their way instead around to an employee entrance in the back. As the driver opened their car door, memories of Krypton played in Kara’s mind. While not being part of the immediate the line of succession, for most of her life her father had still done well for himself. Research had rarely been done on anything outside their own system, often being seen as too dangerous to risk. Or by those that bought into Krypton’s self-aggrandisement, too primitive to be worth the effort. So what advancements her father made often held the allure of the unknown. This in turn made them wealthy, maybe not Luthor wealthy by Earth standards, but wealthy nonetheless.

 

If her powers never resurfaced, could that be her life again? If she was careful maybe she could inch the needle forward on human progress. While her focus had mainly been on what humans would understand as physics, Kara was sure that she could advance any field she chose to be a part of. She had always tried to avoid contaminating humanity’s pool of knowledge, so that they might grow by their own efforts. If she went into medical research at least she wouldn’t start with a surplus of knowledge learned offworld, and she would still be able to save lives. 

 

As Lena reached the entrance she made a show of unlocking the door before turning back to get Kara’s attention. “First, please note that while most of the exhibits are still under construction, they are functional, so don’t pay any mind to the mess. Secondly I am proud to introduce you to the Lena Luthor Archive of Multiworld Anthropology.” With that Lena swung the door open so Kara could see inside.

 

Kara was amazed as she took in the culture of a dozen different worlds. Paintings, models, and displays were strewn across the walls and floor, with barely a path left to walk between the materials and tools surrounding dozens of unfinished dioramas. Kara wasn’t five feet into the building when a flash of color caught her eye, and she sprang to the other side of the room. A scale model of a Xudarian shuttle, its hull ornate with twisting colors and highlighted flourishes. Reds, blues, and yellows, wild and beautiful like a tropical bird. Kara couldn’t help but go up to it, and to run her fingers down its swooping curve. “Do you recognize it?” Lena’s voice cut into Kara’s mind. Lost within visions of a trip she had taken with her father to Xudar when she was young.

 

“Yeah ... its Xudarian. The streets of Xudar are an orchestra of color, a million flecks all working in harmony.” Kara remembered standing in the middle of a busy market, flanked by her father and Vao. As with too many of the memories of her childhood, it brought both love and melancholy to her mind, a spectre of death accompanying them. Maybe one day she would make new memories on foreign soil with Lena. Maybe someday when they could measure their free time in weeks instead of minutes, they could take a trip and see the jewels that lay beyond Sol. “How in the world did you make this? This is a replica, right? Was it in Lex’s things?”

 

Kara rushed as a dozen images flashed within her mind unable to parse them. “Yes, it is a replica; and no, it is not Lex’s. As to how I made it, that started a few months back. Supergirl had saved my life, and after having had a few conversations with her it dawned on me. What is it that people fear about not just Supergirl, but aliens as a whole?” Lena made her way over to Kara and pulled a tarp off the model next to the shuttle. Hidden beneath was a life sized model of a Xudarian, head-frill standing tall and its beak sharp.

 

“Let me guess,” Kara slowly drawled out, “our crazy power?” Kara flashed a knowing grin, well aware that she wasn’t playing into Lena’s prepared speech. To be fair, of the many criticisms Kara heard of herself during her nightly patrols, this was the most common. Fear that the god overhead wouldn’t stop at smiting the unrighteous. Fear that she might be as petty as any human, that in the dead of night she might harm one of them just for the fun of it. Even at their worst, the people of Krypton had never killed without reason. Their social programs would step into any person's life if they stopped acting in their own best interest, or the best interest of the group. Krypton had no place for broken cogs.

 

Lena took a second to brush dust off the model before turning back to Kara, giving her a swift slap on the shoulder. “True, true,” Lena waved off the comment. “While many fear your unparalleled strength, I think that only serves to obscure the heart of the issue. The average human has no understanding of your culture, of any alien culture. They either see you as a weird bird-lizard alien like this guy, or as someone hiding the fact that they’re not human in cases like your own. In either case their lack of even basic understanding about you makes it hard for them to connect with you on a human level …” Kara smiled at Lena’s pause after she realized the limitations of her language. “Well you understand what I mean. The Lena Luthor Archive of Multiworld Anthropology is here to expand the average citizen's understanding of alien culture. Once we’re up and running I plan on having a new class of children crossing that threshold every day until every boy and girl highschool age and younger have had a chance to learn about what lies beyond the Oort cloud”

 

Kara found Lena’s determination and optimism contagious, and she hoped that such a plan really could help shape young minds into more accepting people. “I hope that you’re right. But really, LLAMA was the acronym you landed on? Also it isn’t really anthropology as that is the study of humans, I’m pretty sure that is what the anthro at the front means.”

 

“Well when you have to use a double L your options are limited, and unfortunately I can’t use Luthor by itself. Any building that solely has the word Luthor paired with alien will rightly be assumed as the evil front for an even more evil lab. So yes, LLAMA was the best I had. Also while it may be true that the word anthropology currently only refers to the study of humans, I feel that is because of early man's lack of a reference point in the whole ‘aliens are real’ front.” Kara found herself shrinking back in concession of Lena’s very ardent explanation.

 

As Kara looked around she took in various pieces of culture from around their galaxy and beyond, from Starhaven to Warworld, it was quite the collection. And this was only the main gallery. “How did you find this stuff anyway? It couldn’t have been easy for you.”

 

“Well,” Lena began with soft chuckle. “You would be surprised what falls into your lap if you’re willing to spend the right amount of money on it. But honestly, that didn't get me very far. My big break came four months ago, when I caught Winn digging around in L-corp’s servers. At first I was going to fry his computer, but then I realized it was your friend with the alien girlfriend. That gave me the idea to make him an offer instead. I would allow him access to my files, if he would feed me cultural information about various aliens. He was markedly suspicious at first, but after I explained my plan for LLAMA he and Lyra both realized the benefit in this place.”

 

Kara was surprised that Lena had been working on this project for so long, Winn wasn’t normally one for keeping secrets. Kara and Lena continued to stroll through several of the exhibits, eventually finding themselves at the Starhaven section. Kara’s heart wrenched once she realized where they stood.

 

The pictures of Starhaven’s once idyllic fields did little justice to the serenity of witnessing it in person. The pictures of the blight only served to sour her to any universe where such an atrocity could happen. The rich greens and vibrant blues that once painted the land had been transformed to an ashen, lifeless, shade of black. “I once went to Starhaven as a child, it was just me and my father. The air smelled of cinnamon, and like earth it has a yellow star.” Kara gave a soft chuckle, her lungs now as lifeless as the pictures before her. “When we went we had to wear these special suits that prevented us from absorbing too much of the yellow star’s radiation. Unfortunately the suits had become stretched during the short voyage, so as we walked around they kept making this squeaking sound. It was annoying at first, but after a few hours we couldn’t stop laughing about it. The people of Starhaven didn’t find it nearly as funny.”

 

“Winn told me that Lyra came from Starhaven. She wouldn’t talk much about it, and after Winn gave me these pictures I could understand why.” Lena stared at the photos of the blight, drinking in just how far a world could fall. It was a sight few humans had ever seen, a world truly sundered, and she felt that if humans kept upon their current path, Earth might share the same fate.

 

Kara couldn’t help but remember awkwardly running in Starhaven’s fields, while her father gathered samples. “When we arrived I thought it was the most beautiful place in the universe. As much as I loved Krypton, by the time I was born it was little more than a husk of the paradise it had once been. After millennia of misuse Krypton had been rendered barren, her fields burned and salted after war and strife, with Rao’s red light doing little to hide the vast deserts straining against the borders of our cities. Few plants grew outside our agricultural towers, not a single vegetable I ever ate grew under the light of Rao. Maybe that was our sin, hubris in thinking we could hide behind our walls and inside our biodomes. That the hell we bred would never come knocking at our door.” Kara pitied her aunt Astra. Her crusade had already been lost centuries before she was born.

 

Lena wrapped her arms around Kara. Maybe it was because Kara’s body had been worn down by kryptonite, but Lena felt so strong. Lena felt like she could protect Kara, even if she was only protecting Kara from herself. How many worlds would Kara see ruined before her life was done? “I didn’t mean to upset you; we don’t have to stay if you don’t want. I had hoped seeing these bits of other cultures would help remind you that you’re not the only one out there. That you may not realize just how many of the people cheering you on are aliens that you could share your stories with. You mentioned that Mon-El was the only person that you could talk to about Krypton. That may not be true. Several of the aliens I’ve talked to while constructing this place have at least a passing knowledge of Krypton; some may have even visited or might know someone that has. I’m sure we could find someone.” Lena raised Kara’s hand and placed a small chaste kiss on the back.

 

Kara felt Lena’s kiss burn with a delightful heat. She had missed the heat, and the cold as well; her invulnerable skin was normally numb to all but the fiercest extremes. To be able to feel the gentle warmth of Lena’s lips on her hand was nothing short of a blessing from Rao. “Nahn i rrip shai,” Kara says, as she turns around to hold Lena close.

 

“What does that mean?” Lena’s voice was a soft echo in Kara’s ear.

 

“It means ‘you are my wind’. You lift me up higher than I could ever hope, and for as long as I have you in my life I know I can always make my way back to safe harbor.” With each day Kara spent with Lena, it became more apparent that she was in love with her. The idea scared Kara, especially with Alex still unconscious at the DEO. Kara had found it hard enough to love someone when she was powerful enough to protect them. Now with her powers gone, her body still stiff from her fight and the poison, was she strong enough to defend those she loved? Was she strong enough to let others help her if not?

 

Lena gently pulled the two of them apart, stopping when she could gaze into Kara’s eyes. “I want you to know that no matter how things with us end, I will always be there for you. I’ve already said this before, but I love you. Kara, I love you more than I can say. Before I moved to National City my life was a bleak void. I had been crushed by a mother that never wanted me; was forced to watch as my brother went mad, and was ripped out of the lab I loved, and forced to take over a company that was sinking beneath my feet. You, the cousin of Superman of all people, gave me a chance that many still say I don’t deserve. If you left me tomorrow and we never spoke again, I would still consider my time with you the pinnacle of my life.” Kara noticed a tear on Lena’s cheek, as her perfect mask began to crack. Before Kara had a chance to wipe away Lena’s tear, she felt one of her own take hold.

 

At first Kara could only mouth it. The words caught, tangled in a web of despair woven tight by years of loss. But one word cut through first, “love” just a whisper. Then louder, stronger, steeled and sharpened. “I love you Lena. Rao, I love you. And you deserve so much better than what you’ve been put through, we both do.” Kara thinks that Lena smiled in the second before their lips collided. Lena’s lips burned like Rao. To Kara the kiss wasn’t about sex or intimacy, nor passion or even joy. While the kiss may have had all those things coursing through it, to Kara it was about union. An affirmation of their bond, and an acknowledgement that they could march forward as one.

 

Kara had found that very few humans understood her desire not just for a partner in love, but for a partner that would make her stronger. One could find love with any of a million people. Love was common, love was easy. Her goal was to find someone that she not only cared for, but that could build her up. A spouse that could make her house more robust; that person was unique. It was a value that she had attempted to explain to Alex, but failed. Alex had frequently found Kara joyless in her pursuit of partners. This had been especially evident in Kara’s early years on Earth, when she was still trying to accept the idea of a person choosing their own mate. She had found the entire system anachronistic. Alex had stopped trying to pick suitors for Kara, instead helping once Kara had a person in her sights. That was what had shocked her so much when Alex proposed that she consider Mon-El; not so much who he was, but the fact that Alex had made any suggestion at all. Left to her own devices, she probably would not have seriously considered him.

 

“Well,” Kara started, before noticing that Lena’s lipstick was heavily smeared. With a quick dab of a finger against her lips, she found what had served as the brush. “Well, that was nice- great, that was great.” Kara found that she had no idea what to do or how to steer the conversation. Humanity’s odd and tangled skein of courtship rituals had often proved to be a barrier in the few relationships she’d had a desire to continue.

 

Fortunately for Kara, Lena proved more able. “I’m happy to know how you feel,” Lena reached out and once again took Kara’s hand into her own. “But believe it or not I didn’t bring you here just to ruin my makeup, even if that was a happy consequence. The main reason I brought you here was because I need some help from Kara Zor-El. Come with me?” With Kara’s hand in hers, Lena started for the back of the main gallery.

 

“I’m sorry to say there’s no Kara Zor-El today, just plain old Kara Danvers.” Lena must know that Kara was still without her powers. It was unusual for her to ask for something obviously unattainable.

 

Slowly the two women approached the next section of the museum, and Kara saw the large letters written above the door: ‘Star Map’. “On that I think you are mistaken. Kara, whether you call yourself Danvers or Zor-El, you will never be plain. Extraordinary, fantastic, brilliant -- those are the words I would use to describe you. Remember that Kara Zor-El was a girl on Krypton without super powers, while Kara Danvers is a girl on Earth who at least used to have powers. I think you need to reevaluate how you delineate your personas, dear.”

 

Kara could only smile at that. Lena had a point, and despite her rather addled body she still felt closer to the way she had felt on Krypton now than she had in the past year. “I think you may be right.”

 

“Now you just sound like one of my board members.” As the two continued onward, they entered a large open room. The walls were painted a light grey and the only thing Kara could see in the room was a pedestal in the center. As Kara approached the pedestal she could see that it had tassels of wires hanging out. The only part that seemed to have power was a button glowing white at its center.

 

Kara eyes trailed from the button to Lena. “This looks incredibly dangerous.”

 

Lena only gave a smile as she made her way over to Kara and placed her hand on the button. “It is perfectly safe, probably safe, more than likely safe. If the worker who assembled it followed my instructions to the letter, there is no chance of this hurting us.” Kara was growing increasingly wary. But she also knew that Lena would never harm her, and was hopeful that she was just playing up the danger for show.

 

“So tell me what does the big glowy button do, and why does it need all this space to do it in?” Kara found herself excited by the prospect; the exposure to cultures she hadn’t seen since leaving Krypton stirred her curiosity.

 

“Well,” Lena’s voice was already tinged with the same delight that was showing on Kara’s face. “This big glowy button, as you put it, brings up a map of our neighborhood.” Lena’s eyes were trained on Kara as she pushed the button. The overhead lights began to fade, building anticipation. Suddenly trails of light began to make their way around the room, looping and swirling around invisible anchors.

 

Kara was amazed as she put together the picture. “It’s the Milky Way. The detail is staggering.” Kara walked out from behind the pedestal, waving her hand through part of the unfolding image that was expanding to take up the entire room. The arcs and orbs that made up the display were like smoke to her touch, but reformed seconds after she disturbed them.

 

“You look impressed, are you impressed? Did I just impress an alien with my earth tech?” Lena was clearly having fun watching Kara, but Kara was genuinely astonished. It wasn’t just the display that was impressive by earth standards, but the accuracy of the map itself. While it was missing a few details, every star system she knew by heart was accounted for.

 

Kara turned around some ten thousand map-scale light-years from earth to gaze in the eyes of the woman she loved so much. “Yes, I’m very impressed. This has a level of detail I didn’t know humans were capable of.”

 

“Ahh, well for that you can thank my dear brother. He may or may not have placed an unauthorized satellite into orbit. One that has a much better camera than what NASA or the like are currently using.” The mischievous smile Lena wore reminded Kara of Vao; her strong chin cocked to the side with ribbons of black velvet hair only serving to compounding the effect. Or of one of the myriad of times Vao had pushed the boundary to its breaking point in order to show off to someone, normally Kara.

 

Kara slowly started to make her way to where Earth hung, taking every opportunity to be amazed anew at the detail. “You know that you will need to tell the DEO about that right?”

 

Even in the dark of the room Kara could make out the bottom lip of Lena puffed out of place. “Do I have to? It could be very useful once you return to Supergirling.” 

 

“Yes Lena. We both know you don’t need people questioning your intentions.” Kara had taken to walking between the small orange sized balls that represented the systems of the worlds she had visited as a child. The light of the ball colored like that of its star. If she looked closely she could even make out smaller spheres no bigger than the end of a pen, the planets. Kara smiled, this was truly remarkable.

 

Lena walked to the orb that represented Earth’s system and called out to Kara. “So if this is Earth where is Krypton? If the program is working properly every planet should be in its proper place.” The question dug its teeth into Kara, this had been what Lena wanted to show Kara. Lena had no idea of where Krypton had hung in the night sky. Lena had almost certainly been planning this since not long after Kara had come out to Lena about being Supergirl, maybe even before as a gift for Supergirl.

 

“How long ago was this scan made?” Kara turned her back to Lena, dragging in a long breath.

 

“We started the scan a two months ago, why?” Kara could already hear the trepidation in Lena’s voice. She knew something was off.

 

Kara turned back to face Lena and began her trek across the room. If Kara had to take a guess the rooms had a radius of at least fifty feet, by anyones measurement it was huge. But Kara kept walking closer and closer to Lena. Lena’s face fell the closer Kara walked toward her. Realization pushing aside the joy and hope that had been so beautiful before. Finally standing only a few inches away from Lena Kara stopped. “Krypton isn’t here.”

 

Kara picked up Lena’s hand and moved it a few inches off from where the orb for Earth’s system lie. “Is that, Rao?” The words fell out of Lena, she hadn’t wanted them. The words filled the room echoing in the vast chamber.

 

“Our galaxy is over a hundred thousand light years in diameter at its thinnest. Krypton, of course, was in the less than a third of a tenth of a percent of its original stars whose last light has already crested over this world.” Kara still remembered the day, the last day Krypton was a part of Earth's night sky. To the naked eye nothing had changed. Even with her super sight she wasn’t able to see Krypton itself, but the knowledge that it looked down upon her made her feel safe. That her parents when they looked up at the night skin were looking toward her, now so many light years away gave her comfort on the worst nights trapped on a strange new world. It was her last line of connection, forever severed by cruel fate.

 

Lena moved her hand gently, weaving in and out of Kara’s fingers. “I don’t- I don’t know what to say Kara. I had imagined this turning out so differently. Instead this building seems to only bring up painful memories of your past.” Lena lowered herself onto the floor, pulling Kara along with her.

 

Kara laid on her back, resting her head in Lena’s lap as she gazed the artificial stars. “It was the only time I’ve ever seen Kal cry.” Kara could feel tar bubbling out through the gaps, slowing her, holding her down. Every step she took agonizing and exhausting. “I had only been on Earth for a year when I did the calculation. Since Kal’s ship landed without any problems I just had to ask his adoptive parents when he landed to work out a date. Two years and change, it turned out. It seemed like so much time at first. But time has a way of catching you off guard when so much of your free time is spent figuring out a new world.” The Kents had always seemed nice, but Kara was happy Kal hadn’t left her with them. They were simple folk. Tending fields had been long since mechanized on Krypton. And even if Eliza’s and Jeremiah’s education was limited by Kara’s standards, they still had both the aptitude and desire to learn.

 

Lena cupped Kara’s face in her lap, her hands cold from resting on the floor a few seconds prior. “With so many new stimuli I can only imagine. It was overwhelming when I moved in with Lionel and Lillian, a new country, new expectations. It took me years to acclimate to them, and they were humans like me, a part of my own family. To be so isolated, so disassociated from anything you knew, -- I don’t know if I could have survived that.” Even without her super hearing Kara could make out the catch in Lena’s voice. Lena wanted be strong now, so that Kara wouldn’t have to.

 

The sensation of Lena running her fingers through Kara’s hair soothed the nerves building in her. The feeling of the edges of Lena’s nails along her scalp would be missed once her powers returned, if they returned. It was easy to forget after years with her powers, but it was these small touches that she missed the most. They tethered her to the world around her, letting her live in the moment. Without them she had taken to memorizing the little details of movement she had never taken the time to parse out before her journey to Earth. The way she had to gently sway through a crowd to avoid causing harm, or the way she used her hands to make boundaries between herself and others to control how much pressure she was exerting. Kara walked in a land of glass buildings and china-doll people.

 

“Earth was overwhelming, and not just the sounds or sights. Humans think so differently. I was considered a hopeless romantic by Kryptonian standards just for thinking that love could be a nice bonus in a relationship. But not you humans. No, you let your teenagers pick their own dates and your family has almost no say in who you marry. Rao, when I asked Kal what house Lois belonged to he had no idea-” Kara quickly shut her mouth, realizing that she may have spilled more than intended. She had no issue with Lena knowing that she was Supergirl but Kal’s secret was his own to give.

 

Lena stopped her fingers in Kara’s hair before turning an amused look down at Kara. “You don’t have to worry. Lois is a fairly common name here on Earth. Even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t put you in any position you're not comfortable with.” A soft wistful smile formed on Lena’s face. “One of the reasons I wanted to show you this was to show you a picture with Krypton still in it. Even if you couldn’t really see Krypton in the picture, I thought it might still be worth having.”

 

Kara raised herself up, but made sure that Lena was still draped around her. “I already have a similar photo, but the thought was nice. In the last few hours before Krypton disappeared from Earth’s view, Kal took me to the observatory in Metropolis. He had saved the director there, doctor O'Neal, so he was happy to give us a few hours of private access. I still remember how quiet Kal was, only asking for a story of home and listening. I told him of the rolling crimson hills I could see out my window on clear days. I told him about the guild towers’ winding beams of metal and crystal lattices interwoven in beautiful gleaming pillars in the light of Rao. Argo city was Krypton’s beacon on the hill. It was said that the storytellers of the Art Guild had to justify setting stories outside of it.

 

“And finally, as Krypton’s final hour drew near, my stories turned to prayers. It was the first and last time Kal ever prayed to Rao, a blessing for those who had been lost and a curse for the loss itself. Krypton was only a small group of pixels on the screen, with the black vacuum of space glowing red as my world burned. It was the first time Kal had seen Krypton since he left. Some nights I still see the crushing loss showing on his face. I did what no villain has ever been able to do, not even your brother. I broke Superman.” That night in the observatory was one of her more frequent dreams.

 

Kara remembered that night with Kal, the sobs of Earth’s hero echoing while she watched the only world she had ever called home burned for a second time. She watched the screen, knowing that her cousin’s pod would travel so far away while hers was lost, adrift in the phantom zone. And Kara had tried at first not to watch as Kal, a man she barely knew, wept. He wept for her world, for her loss, while she stood stoic. For as much as he wanted to be the last son of Krypton, he never would. He never walked her streets, he never met her people. Krypton was little more than a child's fairy tale to him. Yet she, a child of sixteen, consoled a near stranger almost twice her age for the loss of her world, her home.

 

Lena placed a kiss on Kara’s cheek and held her close. “Kal needed to see Krypton, at least once. You know you did the right thing, right? I can’t- I could never comprehend the turmoil either of you must have felt. But even under such horrid conditions, to be able to see the home of your people is something that I think few would trade away. That pain, that sorrow and fury and anguish, all those things can be worked past. But to be able to say that you have a real tangible memory of your home is worth everything.” 

 

Lena tucked into Kara, holding her with all her might. Kara almost wished her powers would never come back, if it meant giving up this feeling. She had long ago forgotten what touch could mean, not just for the body but for the mind. With her powers, no matter how much force Lena used to hold her, it would never be enough. A bear hug from Alex was a shadow of the feeling she had now. How many weeks would it be before this feeling of Lena holding her so tight would appear in her dreams? How long before this sensation of contact was what she prayed for at night, instead of the sight of her world again.

 

“I know Lena, but you weren’t there. You didn’t watch as Superman fell to his knees, broken. No matter how much I believe it was right, a part of me will always wonder. Would the man of steel have been better off with the rose-tinted picture Jor-El painted of Krypton?” Jor-El’s words in the fortress had always rung so hollow to her. He spoke of Krypton as a paradise, a wonder unparalleled in all the universe. Kara knew better.

 

“I’m just surprised that the telescope could render an image with enough fidelity to see Krypton. Even at only twenty-seven light years that is more than I thought we were capable of back then.”

 

Kara smiled at that, Lena already had her pegged. “I may have provided some assistance on that front, but to be fair, this was a once in a lifetime event. I also destroyed the equipment I built, so human advancement has remained untainted by alien hands.” Kara still checked on doctor O'Neal’s research every few years to make sure he hadn’t made any suspicious breakthroughs. “I have to say that I’m shocked you don’t have an exhibit for Krypton. That seems like it would be one of the more important ones to have, I mean Kal and I are probably the most high-profile aliens walking around.”

 

Lena got up at the remark, she brushed off her pants and provided an arm for Kara. “That, my dear, is still under construction. And while I certainly don’t want to brush over any flaws your people may have, I also wanted to make sure that I wasn’t making public any information that might lead others to discover your identity, or an easy way to defeat you.”

 

Kara loved how Lena was always thinking a step ahead. She found it very Kryptonian. “How soon would you need the info?” Even with Lena’s arm Kara found it difficult to stand back up. Her legs and arms screamed as they strained during the movement, causing Kara to take a few deep breaths to calm them down.

 

“Well if we only do the display outlines and the more common information, maybe two months. Why?”

 

“Well,” Kara grabbed Lena’s hand and brought her in close. “If I get back my powers-”

 

“-When.” Lena cut in. Kara’s feeling on the matter notwithstanding, she loved how confident Lena was in her. It was the pragmatism of it that made Kara more self-assured. Lena knew whether Kara was selling herself short or if Kara had bitten off more than she could chew.

 

“When I get my powers back I could make a copy of historical and cultural records up at the Fortress of Solitude. I may need you to make a special storage device though. It will be a few exabytes at least, and whatever you make needs to be able to withstand both the cold of the arctic and the speeds I reach traveling up there. Also a handle would be nice.” Kelex was nearly finished repairing itself and with its help Kara should be able to make something that could convert files from the Kryptonian system into binary.

 

Lena’s eyes dropped and smoldered while her bottom lip was pressed hard into her teeth. Kara was quite sure that this was the most turned on she had ever seen Lena. “It will only be historical and cultural records, ok? No tech, I don’t want you to get your hopes up too much.” With the way Lena’s hand was crawling ever so slowly up Kara’s side she wasn’t sure how long her morals would be able to resist Lena’s vicious, though very pleasant, assault.

 

Lena hummed into Kara’s ear, “Whatever you say, Supergirl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those not in the know the Xudar are the race that Tomar-Re belongs to. He is the Green Lantern for the sector that once contained Krypton.


	7. duhv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone sorry about the wait for this chapter. I moved between states and that has taken up a lot of my free time. I would like to once again thank Earthling3 for continuing to help with editing.

“So,” Kara’s sunny voice rang out of Lena’s phone, “to take advantage of my depowered state I’ve scheduled a massage.” Lena knew how difficult life has been for Kara in the two weeks since she roused in the medbay at the DEO. Her physical therapy hadn’t been going as well as either of them had hoped leaving her feeling exhausted and defeated. This had made motivating Kara to get out of the house a nearly fruitless prospect, especially since their trip to Lena’s museum.

 

“Really? I never pictured you as the type to enjoy strangers rubbing you down.” The small frazzled huff from the other side of the line brought a smile to Lena’s face. She leaned her head back against the wall of the elevator cabin and closed her eyes. While Lena loved listening to Kara’s voice over the phone, she much prefered Kara in her arms. And unfortunately this day had run tragically long. Her attempted buyout of a small tech startup had been poached while she dealt with a fire that had erupted in the labs.

 

“To be honest I’ve never had one before. I mean, it’s hard to get the deep tissue treatment with steel skin. I’m looking forward to it though. I might as well get something positive from my current state, right?” Lena picked up on the small bite in Kara’s tone.

 

Lena gave a small chuckle before answering, “Well if you’re unsure I could always give you a private session at your place tonight. What do you think? A little pizza, a trashy movie, and if you play your cards right, a little fun for dessert?” Lena opened her eyes and watched as the floors ticked downward, twelve … eleven … ten. This was unfortunately not her private elevator. That was out of commision thanks to the fire in the labs, at least until checks could be made to insure its safety. Instead she was forced onto the far-slower public elevator that lead right into the lobby. At least she had the cabin to herself.

 

“That sounds nice, but remember I’m still dealing with some tender ribs, so be gentle. Should I go ahead and order the pizza and potstickers? How long until you’re here?”

 

Kara wasn’t nearly as clever as she thought she was, Lena mused. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to sneak potstickers in under the radar there. You have neither the stomach nor the metabolism of a super right now, so choose one and I’ll pick it up on my way to yours. I’m nearly at ground level so it shouldn’t be more than half an hour.”

 

Just as Lena finished her statement the door opened out into the L-Corp lobby. With a small kick her rolling cart was up on its wheels and she was heading toward the door. “Well, if you’re going to make me, a sick and injured hero, choose between my two favorite foods …” Kara whined into Lena’s ear.

 

“Laying it on a bit thick there aren’t we? Fine, I guess it won’t hurt to get both just this once, if for no other reason than to teach you your limits.” Lena gave an exaggerated sigh more than loud enough for Kara to pick up on even without her super hearing. “You do realize that I’d hate you for your body if I didn’t love you so much, right?”

 

A stilted laugh played into Lena’s ear. “Alex,” Kara paused “she used to say something similar. Well … no moping today, a pretty girl is bringing me tasty treats see you in---” Before Lena could hear the rest of Kara’s farewell a gunshot rang through the lobby.

 

“Lena Luthor! Put your hands up, now!” Lena made the motion before she could register what had happened. Her ears were filled with the wails and screams of frightened bystanders, some running out the door, most behind cover. The gunman seemed to pay them little mind, his eyes focused on her.

 

Dr. Heffern, Lena realized as she slowly took in the situation. He lead her 3-D printing lab and had been a major issue for weeks now. Her would-be killer had seemed to hold a low opinion of her, or possibly just women in general. It was hard to tell, as not a single female worked directly under him. Whether that was by his own design, or if Lex had orchestrated it before she was a part of the company was unknown to her. What was clear was that he was no trained assassin. He white-knuckled both hands around the grip of the small pistol, and his fingers hovered over the trigger.

 

The pistol’s off-white shade ment he had produced it in his lab, and given that she could see its ridges it must have been a rush order. “Dr. Heffern,” Lena easily dropped into the cold Luthor tone “please put the gun down, and we can talk. No need to do anything you might regret.” She derided herself - of course the elevator had been a trap. How many times would her life need to be put in danger before she took precautions, especially when her daily routine was altered? Her mother would be furious with her.

 

Lena’s eyes darted about, even as she made sure not to move her head so as not to provoke him. She wondered whether her security personnel where simply incompetent, or if perhaps they were part of this current attempt on her life. She soon realized the answer was ‘incompetent,’ as it appeared that herself and good doctor were on the wrong side of the security checkpoint. It was a few hours past L-Corp’s standard operating hours, and the number of guards on duty had been trimmed accordingly. Unfortunately leaving only one out-of-shape man behind a security barricade that was over ten feet high. Lovely.

 

“I’m not going to let you steal my research. That is my life's work, and I’d rather be in prison than have some whore steal it.” Lena had to hold in a laugh. Dr. Heffern’s work was passable, but nothing revolutionary. Certainly nothing to kill over. Lena mused that this was a fitting end to her life, killed by mediocrity over stupidity. Well if there was one thing that she had learned in the years before Kara, it was that she didn’t deserve a heroic ending. She didn’t even deserve a happy one.

 

In what little defiance she could muster in this situation, she refused to hold her arms up like a scared child; instead her hands floated not far away from her head. High enough so that Dr. Heffern would be placated, but not so high that her arms would hurt later if she somehow made it out alive. She could still hear Kara’s voice screaming out of her phone. It was only a faint muffled squawking, but it helped to keep her calm. She might soon leave this world, but at least she had found one person that cared for her. One person that would miss her, and not her money, when she was gone. That was more than she had ever thought possible even a year ago.

 

Since Kara saved her that first time in the helicopter she had been living on borrowed time. And she has only gone farther into debt since. Whether it’s falling from buildings or being saved from her mother, Lena has had more near misses in her ledger than any person should expect to survive. But now the woman she loved couldn’t save her. Lena wasn’t mad about it, wasn’t heartbroken that Kara wasn’t coming to her rescue. She was merely happy that she was able to bask in Kara’s light for as long as she had. That was enough for her.

 

That didn’t mean she was going to roll over though. “I think you may be confused, I have no desire to steal your research. I profit from your findings, no theft required.” Lena watched as Dr. Heffern’s face twisted, any hesitation that may have remained being replaced by malice.

 

“You can’t fool me!” The crazed doctor waved the gun about as he screamed at Lena, eyes erratic. “You kept putting our meeting off farther and farther so that you could have all your little cronies examine every last inch of my lab, while I was left waiting for approval for the new equipment I desperately needed. There was no reason for some uppity, glorified secretary like you to know half of what you did about my project. But you just couldn’t help yourself from showing off.”

 

Lena couldn’t disagree with his less misogynistic points. She had pushed off their meetings, though that was mostly out of her extreme dislike for the man. That had also lead her to take every opportunity to one-up the man in his own field, in the few meetings with him that she was able to force herself through. Her mother always said that her vanity would be her downfall, though admittedly Lillian had made that claim about a great many of Lena’s less socially acceptable qualities. Lena mused that her mother had hedged her bets against any of a million ways she might fail, so no matter what eventually happened she would be able to smear Lena’s face in a failure that she had foreseen.

 

Lena knew she only had two real options. She could try to bluff her way out, or she could try telling him the truth. “Dr. Heffern, I’m sorry that you feel that I have slighted you, but that was never my intent. The truth of the matter is that I didn’t take meetings with you because I felt the two of us never found much overlap on our approach to research, or to problem-solving.” Lena paused as she fished for a less damning statement than ‘I loathe your very being.’ “We never really established a constructive dialog. That is also the reason for my enthusiasm in 3-D printing technology. I thought that if I better understood the science I might better understand the man that stood at its forefront.”

 

So a bit of both, Lena decided. She also knew she may have laid it on a little thick. In the past year of assassination attempts Lena had found it was never a bad idea to stroke the ego of the person with the gun. And to her surprise it seemed to be working. She could make out the edge of a smile desperately being held away from the light of day.

 

Unfortunately it was short lived. “You think you can just toss out a few honey-dipped words and I’ll be putty in your hands? You’re no Lex. Not in charisma nor in intellect. You really expect me to believe that in the spare time you have between running this company and working on that secret project of yours, you did a little light reading? That in a few weeks you went from novice to expert in a field I’ve dedicated my life to?”

 

Lex. He always was the shadow she was measured against. Too similar in all the worst ways, not similar enough in any of the best. The irony being that the only person in the world not to hold that opinion was the man himself. While their mother might eternally see her as just a subpar simulacrum, he never did. He had known she was smarter. When they were children he had not only praised her, but taught her to make sure she stayed that way. And now he understood that she didn’t hold same hate in her heart that drove him to such madness. Thus he had taken equal measure to ensure that she was punished. How the one person that had once been her sanctuary had somehow turned into the very monster she feared most kept her up more nights than she would ever say.

 

“You’re right, I’m not Lex. I see people, not cogs working to further my goals. Lex was a con man; he would take everything you ever cared about and you would thank him for the pleasure.” Lena took a breath, this wasn’t about what he took from her. It wasn’t about the veil of fear that now and forever clings to her. She had never slept well, even as a child. But how she craved once again waking from nightmares fueled by failing her mother, and not of her death at her brother’s hands. While in the time since moving to National City she has made enemies, she will always remember who was the first person to seek her head.

 

As soon as her brothers name crossed her lips Dr. Heffern stomped a few feet forward. “You’re nothing like Lex?!” He screeched in disbelief. “You think anyone at this company, hell in this room really believes you? I know of at least three different pools just among the lab techs, betting on when you roll out your own evil scheme. Bonus points for if you can guess what it will be - my money is on a death beam. You always struck me as someone lacking in both the flair and imagination that made Lex at least a charming sociopath.”

 

Bile splashed against the back of Lena’s tongue. He could be lying about her employees taking bets against her morality. He hadn’t said they were betting about if she would become the power hungry megalomaniac that her brother became; no, he said they were betting on how many months, or weeks, ... or days it might take. Maybe Dr. Heffern was lying. But why would he? What was his end game? Was it saving his research or stopping her? Maybe he was lying. Lena kept hearing that line ringing in her ears, beating against her chest.

 

Then Lena heard Kara again. A pale whisper out of her phone. That was why Lena needed to live. Her mother had made sure that she never valued her own life, it was little more than a token to be spent however Lillian saw fit. But too many had already been snatched out of Kara’s arms, and Lena would do everything she could to make sure she wasn’t another.

 

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am the terrible person in the portrait you paint of me, but that doesn’t mean you have to fire that weapon. I will sign any document you need to ensure that L-Corp has no further business in your field and that all your research done under this roof belongs to you. If I do that you can walk away. No police, no arrests. I’ll have my lawyers make sure of that, and as I’m sure you know they are some of the best in the business.” It was a fine deal. Of course there was no way it would ever happen, but if he was as unstable as Lena hoped maybe he wouldn’t realize that.

 

And for a brief moment Lena held hope in her chest as Dr. Heffern looked around the room for the first time since this ordeal began. He saw the fear in the eyes of those few souls unlucky enough to be on the wrong side of the barricade with them. But as he looked into their frightened eyes his resolution strengthened and his grip tightened on the pistol. When his eyes finally reclaimed Lena’s they were devoid of the manic energy and hesitation that had marred them before.

 

“It’s a tempting offer Ms. Luthor, it really is. But what kind of man would I be if I had the chance to stop a Luthor before they caused a massive tragedy, and instead chose only to save myself? I know about your secret research. Gathering intel on aliens just like your brother, and we all know how that ended. I may-”

 

“-It’s not what you think,” Lena cried out. “It’s for a museum. To educate the people of this city so that they might not fear Supergirl, or any of the other aliens that call this city their home.” Lena knew this was going to happen. That she was poison, and all she touched turned toxic. She had hoped that Kara, or Supergirl really, would help people to realize that it was safe. A place for people of this city to get the answers to questions that had so helpfully been answered by Kara. While Lena firmly believed knowledge to be the balm to any societal ill, she also worried that her poison she spread might kill the host first.

 

Dr. Heffern merely chuckled, the smile of a man blindly devoted to his convictions plastered across his face. “I’m sure it has a museum as a front. A grand museum lavishly adorned with hundreds of little mouse traps to catch all the aliens that might dare to scurry into your roach motel.”

 

Dr. Heffern scraped his hand against the stubble on his chin as he shook his head. “I think that metaphor might have gotten away from me. Look, I may not be the bleeding heart some in this city are for the off-worlders, but I’m not a monster. I kept my head down and ignored the warning signs as your brother stole those children from their beds. I saw what they looked like on the other side of Lex’s warped psyche. And the idea that I might have been able to stop that has haunted my dreams for the last two years.”

 

Lena remembered those pictures, how could she forget. The first time she saw them she was on the witness stand against her brother. The prosecutor wanted a reaction that didn’t appear rehearsed, one that felt real. She only ever looked at the top photo on the stack, it was the only one she could look at before her head was between her legs dry heaving. It was such a small child, and in a thought she still hates herself for thinking, so human. The details of that image will never be washed from her mind. The small arms bound against the cold steel table, frost gathered in the corners. The chest pried open, held that way by gnarled clamps. And worst of all the face, eyes open in a silent wail of pain etched onto the photo. Despite all Lena knew of biology, the child had somehow still been alive when Lex’s base was raided.

 

The look of bemused indifference when Lex looked at that same photo still horrified her. He said on the stand that they had no right to freedom, no right to life. That the alien threat had made their pilgrimage to Earth to stand not as equals, but as conquerors. And that it was the responsibility of all who called Earth home to stand as a united front against them. The frightening part was how rational it all sounded coming out of his mouth. He was eloquent and bewitching, even in an orange jumpsuit.

 

“Please believe me.” Before Kara, Lena told herself that every night as she went to bed. To please let someone believe she wouldn’t become the fiend her brother had transformed into. “I want to help those hurt by my brother. I know that I will never be able to pay back the debt incurred by the evils of Lex and Lillian, but if you give me the opportunity I swear that I will try.”

 

Dr. Heffern took another step forward. Even if he was a poor shot there was little chance of him missing. Lex would be angry at her for dying such a pitiful death, though he might take some satisfaction in the knowledge that at least he had a hand in it, however indirectly. Lena could only close her eyes as she breathed in and out before reopening them. She wasn’t a coward, she would make sure that he never forgot the look in her eyes as he pulled the trigger to end her life. All the while Kara’s voice played in the background, Lena imagined Kara telling her she loved her one last time.

 

Barely a week ago Lena had told Kara that her time in National City, despite the multiple attacks against her life, had been the happiest that she had ever known. That held true even now. She would happily trade away fifty or even a hundred years of life without Kara for the year she had with her.

 

“Sorry, you don’t have the silver tongue of your brother. I’m the hero of this story. Whatever happens to me I’ll sleep just fine in the knowledge of the lives I saved.” With that Dr. Heffern pulled the trigger.

 

Lena closed her eyes again. She didn’t mean to, it was a reflex. She heard the crack of the gunshot echo throughout the room. Felt the sting of hot metal against her skin. And while it hurt, a lot, she didn’t feel like she’d been shot. Instead it was akin to accidentally touching a hot oven rack with her bare skin. Slowly Lena reopened her eyes, and looked down to the searing sensation, just below her right collarbone. She saw the bullet, most of it at least. It was held in the blue sleeved hand of the woman she loved. Her eyes slowly flickered up to Kara’s. Tears started down not only her own cheek, but Kara’s as well.

 

Slowly Kara’s right hand gently pressed against her face, thumb whipping away her tears. “I made it Shai. Rao I didn’t think I was going to.” With that Kara took her lips. Soft and delicate like at any second this would all shatter around her as if it were a dream. For a brief moment it was just the two of them, cocooned against the person they loved.

 

Then Lena heard the snap of a camera and she jumped back. A terrible idea she learned as the bullet had evidently entered her body, however slightly, and the heat of it had seared her skin to it. “Lena are you alright?” Kara quickly had Lena back in her arms, hand pressed against the bleeding wound. “Lena I’m going to need you to hold this for a second while I stop the bad guy, ok?” While this was nowhere near the worst pain she had ever felt a nod was still all she could give at this juncture.

 

With a quick heel turn Kara was facing Dr. Heffern, and while she couldn’t see the look in Kara’s eyes the poor doctors reaction to it gave an indication of mood. “Why are you helping her?! I’m the hero, I’m the one trying to stop her from killing aliens like you!” Dr. Heffern started to take hesitant steps backward, only to realize too late that the guards’ station boxed him in with Supergirl.

 

Kara’s feet hovered inches above the ground as she shot a small burst of her heat vision to melt the end of the gun’s barrel. As she made her way to the trembling man she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and lifted him up to her eye level. “First I will need you to repeat after me, do you think you can do that?” Dr. Heffern gave an anxious nod. “Good, now say ‘Lena is a good person, and would never hurt anyone.’”

 

Heffern’s eyes darted around not sure as to where he should be look, he finally settled on the nebulous space behind Kara’s head. “Lena is a good person. And she would never hurt anyone.”

 

Supergirl flew, with Dr. Heffern in tow, over the barricade and down to where Lena’s poor underqualified guard had taken up post. She then took one of the zip ties that the guard offered and tied Dr. Heffern’s hands behind his back. “I’m leaving with Lena now, you’re going to stay here until the police can arrest you.” Kara glared at the man. Her wrath only contained by the bevy of prying eyes. “Don’t make me come and find you.”

 

Lena by this point had made her way through the guards station door and was waiting next to the hole Kara had made when she entered the building. “Ready to go?” Lena asked as supergirl swept an arm under her leg to pick her up.

 

“Of course,” Kara said as she gave one of her large, too-bright-for-a-normal-person smiles. “Do you have a preferred hospital or just the closest one?”

 

Kara already had them in the air, something Lena was not a huge fan of normally but would suffer through just to be next to Kara again. “Just take me home, I have a first aid kit there.” As Kara started to object Lena put her finger against her lips, “I’m fine other than probably a little scarring, hope you don’t mind.”

 

Lena was happy to find that Kara was somewhat begrudgingly taking her to her apartment. Through squinted eyes (she would need to invest in a pair of goggles as these winds made seeing problematic), she noticed a pained look grow on Kara’s face. “Are you ok Kara? You know that was just a joke right?” Kara’s expression only grew worse as they drew closer to Lena’s apartment. When they reached the balcony Kara no longer seemed to have the fortitude to even set Lena down, dropping her instead.

 

Kara stumbled inside, her hands clasped against the sides of her head as she collapsed onto the floor. Steam billowed out of her eyes as Kara began to scream. “Honey, Kara, what’s wrong? Kara? Kara can you hear me? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” Lena begged for Kara to say anything, but the few noises Kara made where in a tongue Lena didn’t understand. Ulahdh, kri, voikir and a dozen other words Lena could only assume to be kryptahniuo.

 

Lena quickly grabbed her phone she and dialed Winn’s number with trembling fingers. “Hey Lena, so J’onn is super pissed right - uh what is that noise?”

 

“I need help,” Lena managed to choke out between worried sobs. “Kara is on my floor screaming something. I have no idea what she is saying or how to help her.” Lena tried to breath, tried to calm herself. She could deal with her own pain, her own death even, but not Kara’s. Not Kara who deserved all the happiness in the world and yet has had everything stripped from her.

 

“Ok Lena I’m going to need you to calm down a bit. If I had to guess she is going into sensory overload right now. Her powers just came back and she no longer has the adrenaline of the situation keeping her focused. Do you have anywhere in your place with really thick walls? If so take her there. There isn’t much else we can do other than wait for her to regain control of her powers. You need to be strong for her ok?” Lena hated how panicked she was. What help was she to anyone in her current state?

 

Lena looked down at Kara. She needed to come up with a plan and she needed to execute it. “Ok Winn, I know where to take her. Thank you.” Lena was about to hang up the phone when she heard Winn call out to her.

 

“Lena, don’t tell Kara until she is back on her feet - I don’t want her crashing into anything trying to fly here - but Alex woke up. We tried to contact her but she was on the phone with you when it happened.” Lena let out a small sigh of relief, before saying goodbye to Winn. She had good news for Kara, but first she had to get her somewhere quiet.

 

Lena leaned down and tried to pick up Kara, only to realise that she weighed far more supered than she did un-supered. With great effort she was able to get Kara’s arm around her shoulder, and she slowly walked her to what was once the guest room of her penthouse. Lena pried open the heavy three-inch lead door, a difficult feat with only one arm and an almost bullet wound. But finally she was able to get the two of them into the room and closed the door behind them. The room was still in the early phase of construction for her surprise for Kara, which meant that there was neither furniture in the room nor an overhead light. Only a small lamp on the side of the room hooked up to an L-Corp prototype backup battery.

 

The two of them ended up plopped down on the hard floor. Kara’s head in Lena’s lap, while Lena gently stroked her hair. Kara had gone quiet by this point, eyes glassed over. Twenty minutes passed before Kara uttered anything. “Where are we?” Her voice was raspy, Lena wondered if that came from screaming before her powers returned.

 

As quiet as Lena could she whispered back. “We are in my guest room, it’s being renovated, and has reinforced walls, amongst other things, so I figured it would be nice and quiet in here for you.”

 

At first Kara only grunted, as she relaxed into Lena’s fingers dancing in her hair. But after another few minutes passed Kara spoke again. “You almost died today, and I wasn’t able to stop it.” Lena wanted to say something, but she didn’t. Instead she waited for Kara, clearly trying to piece together some semblance of an apology that Lena didn’t feel she needed. “I’m sorry. I told you that I would protect you, and I failed.” Lena felt as Kara swallows hard against her leg.

 

“I knew you would save me, I never gave up faith in you.” Lena whispers down at Kara.

 

Kara shook her head and for a second it hurt, like a steel ball being haphazardly rolled against her stomach. “Please don’t lie to me, not about this.” Kara uttered as she turned to look up into Lena’s eyes. “I try not to but I can tell when you lie. Super senses and all that, you know? I don’t blame you. I didn’t have any faith in me either. Rao I didn’t even call J’onn to have him help. I just kinda froze and all I could think was ‘please don’t take another from me.’ I love you but...” Kara closed her eyes and moved her arm to press against her eyes. Kara slightly grazed Lena’s arm with her own and Lena is pretty sure it would be bruised by the next morning. “I’m not sure how to do this. How to love someone so fragile.”

 

The words Alex told her on the morning after her wonderful and foolish confession played in her mind. That Kara would push her away, and that Lena would need to fight if she wanted to keep Kara. “Being the stoic, lone avenger is great in theory, but untenable in practice. I’m not going to say that everyone needs someone, but most do. And you, my dear, sweet Kara, are definitely one of those that need that tether. And quite frankly, after that show we gave the crowd in my lobby, I don’t think us breaking up will make me any safer.”

 

Kara groaned loudly. “So I wasn’t imagining the part where I kissed you in front of everyone then? I was really hoping that was a hallucination brought on by the sensory overload.” Kara let out an exasperated laugh. “Rao, Alex is going to kill me.”

 

Lena ran her fingers under Kara’s chin and gave her a comforting smile. “I have good news on that front, actually”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the next chapter should be out within about 2 week. Until then I would like to thank everyone for staying with me despite my less than regular schedule.


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